IF YOU DONT ASK YOU DONT GET

So after Heinz rejected me (very politely but a rejection all the same) I hired a researcher to help me find out who else makes beans, at £100 an hour I was hoping he would come up with something for me. Fortunately after 2 minutes he advised me that Branston do in fact now sell baked beans! I thanked him and paid him £3.33 before getting on it and emailing them. Below is the mail I sent them.

“Hi I run a blog called if you don’t ask you don’t get, I recently asked Heinz for some free beans but they politely declined, would you like to steal their thunder and send me some free beans? I love beans.”

Now upto this point they haven’t replied and I am putting this down to a number of reasons.

1) They think I’m an idiot.
2) They think that I think they are idiots.
3) An idiot read my mail and deleted it.
4) An idiot read my mail but chose to ignore it.
5) They believe Heinz are idiots and should have sent me some free stuff
6) They feel second best and therefore would feel like idiots if they sent me any beans.

The graph below sums all this up better.

I can’t help feeling very disappointed about not yet getting a response.

I sent them a stupid email asking for free stuff at no cost to me and they haven’t replied.

I had real trouble not sounding bitter when I wrote this poem..

Branston beans you have not replied.
I’ve gone to my room, sat down and cried.
At least Heinz acknowledged me and politely declined,
You can’t be bothered and wont spend the time.
For years and years I’ve enjoyed your pickle,
Now my enthusiasm is nowt but a trickle,
When I see your goods in the shops I’ll just walk away,
One email from you and you’d have made my day!
(note to self, get back in touch with researcher and find out if anyone else makes baked beans.)

Branston facts

1) The first ever rubiks cube was made out of Branston chunks. This product was however doomed to failure because users started to complain about smelly fingers and they dried up and melted if left in the sun for to long.

The below highlights this problem. This is one of the earliest rubiks cubes and it’s owner had only left it outside for 36 seconds.

2) Branston pickle was originally just called Branston only, it was just a brown syrup, it was only when Richard Branson took them to court for having a name to similar that they added the pickles to it and their famous brand was born. The first pickle chunks were made of wood!

Richard Branson in court the day pickles were added

Thanks for reading will be back soon…

Tags: Free, free stuff, freebies, fun, funny, luck, poem, rejection, samples, saving money, sucess, testing, trying my luck

So to cut a long story short I have written to Mr Kipling asking for one of his exceedingly good cakes. The below cake represents my level of enthusiasm whilst sending him my email.

I know it’s only been less than 48 hrs since I sent the mail but this has really affected me and I’m starting to get a bit paranoid. The below cake now represents my current mood.

You see the thing Is I’ve always seen Mr Kipling as a favourite uncle type of person, he was a mystical character to me as a child, he was the advert version of Willy Wonka. Now I find myself paranoid that all of my illusions from child hood are about to be shattered. Mr Kipling please at least send me a reply??

This Poem sums up how I’m feeling.

Mr Kipling, you was great in my child hood,
I used to love your adverts and your nice food,
Don’t let me down and ignore my request,
I’ve remained loyal and think your cakes are the best,
I’m now getting worried and think you don’t care?
Please prove me wrong and end this cake nightmare.

Cake facts

1) During the first Olympic Games, athletes were given cheesecakes. It is believed cheesecake was invented by mistake when a chef named doah diddy mistook a block of cheddar cheese for marzipan!

2) The word cake originates from the Latin word cake, but only recently have people translated this as cake. It’s Latin meaning is derived from a combination of the terms iced disk and big bloody bun. It’s a little know fact that cakes were originally used as pillows and cushions, the fact they are edible was discovered by chance when Henry VIII slept face down, doctors at the time said he would have suffocated if he hadn’t eaten his way free.

Thanks for reading and hopefully following…

Tags: Free, free stuff, freebies, fun, funny, luck, poem, rejection, samples, saving money, sucess, testing, trying my luck

So, I sent the below email to Microsoft.

Hi, I run a blog called ,”If you don’t ask you don’t get,” I’m basically asking for free stuff and then keeping my readers updated on the responses I get. Is there any chance of you sending me some free stuff please doesn’t matter how large or how small. It’s just a bit of fun x

Now at this point I will ask, is there anyone that doesn’t understand my above mail?

No?

Good.

Here is the reply I received.

Hello Paul,

Thank you for contacting Microsoft Customer Service.

In order to assist you better, I need additional information:

-The task you are trying to accomplish.
-The steps you performed and where the process failed.
-The exact and complete wording of any error message you received.
-Please provide the URL or link you are referring to.

Once I have these details, I will be able to determine the appropriate resources to assist you.

I appreciate your patience and look forward to your reply.

Thank you,

All I wanted was a free mouse mat or something. There is a lesson to be learned here somewhere I think.

Anyway I wrote this poem to celebrate.

Microsoft Microsoft I asked for some things,
I sent you an email to see what it brings,
You dont know what I meant judging by the response that you sent,
I thought my mail was quite plain
But your reply was insane.
(note to self contact apple asap)

Some facts about Microsoft

1) Pioneering musician Brian Eno was the musical brains behind Window 95′s start up tune, dubbed “The Microsoft Sound.” it’s a little known fact that he was grown in a lab using a combination of cardboard and essence of mushroom!

2)The first ever mention of “Microsoft” was in a letter from Bill Gates to co-founder Paul Allen in 1975. Gates initially wrote the company name as Micro-soft, which made sense considering it’s a portmanteau of “microcomputer” and “software.” The Romans invented the earliest computers and the qwerty keyboard is a direct result of Julius Caesar sneezing during a game of scrabble.

I’ll inform apple of the above and let you know if I have any joy with them. Thanks for reading…

Tags: Free, free stuff, freebies, fun, funny, luck, poem, rejection, samples, saving money, sucess, testing, trying my luck

Progress so far has been mixed please see below updates.

I sent the below to heinz.

Hi, I know it’s cheeky but I’m running a blog called “If you don’t ask you don’t get,” I keep my readers updated regularly on my progress. Is there any chance I could have some beans please? I love your beans

basically this was my first attempt and I got a very polite no back from them.

I summed up how I was feeling in the below poem ( I do this a lot)

Heinz you said no and this was quite a blow,
I relied on you and you didn’t come through,
I’ve been eating your beans since I was child,
They are pink and sweet and taste so wild.
This hasn’t put me off I’m gonna have some soon, but one free sample from you and I’d have been over the moon (note to self research other bean manufacturers { are there any} and ask for some free beans)

Facts about beans.
1) Native Americans flavored their baked beans with maple syrup and bear fat, and baked them in earthenware pots placed in a pit and covered with hot rocks. The Pilgrims most likely learned how to make baked beans from the Native Americans, substituting molasses and pork fat for the maple syrup and bear fat.
It doesn’t say how they opened the tins which I was most interested in finding out.

See below this is the first ever baked bean discovered, it has been dated at over 2000 years old!

2) Before people realised that beans were in fact edible a large number of people in western Europe used to keep them as family pets and often gave them names.

Then my life changed forever, I contacted Tetley tea with the below.
Hi, I’m running a blog called “If you don’t ask you don’t get,” I keep my readers updated regularly on my progress. Is there any chance I could have some free teabags please? I love your tea. It’s just a bit of fun.

and to my disbelief and joy they said yes!!! see below.

Mr Adams (my secret name)

Thanks for your email, glad to hear you’re enjoying Tetley tea bags. It’s always a pleasure to receive positive feedback.

I’ll pop some tea bags and some samples in the post to you today, because as you say if you don’t ask you don’t get!! Have a nice day 🙂

Kind regards

So my poem for them has a much more positive feeling to it.
Tetley tea you now mean everything to me, I asked for some bags and you sent me some free,
You’ll now always have a special place in my heart,
I’m gonna drink them soon with a nice jam tart. (note to self, must contact mr Kipling for some free jam tarts)

Teabag facts

1) Tetley was the first company that launched tea in tea-bags in the United Kingdom in 1953. However they didnt take off properly until cups were invented in 1984.

See below example of an early tea bag.

2) In some parts of Scandinavia tea bags were associated wrongly with witch craft and several bags were in fact hung or burned at the stake.

I’ve emailed Mr Kipling today I`ll update you on my progress soon.

thanks for reading….

Tags: Free, free stuff, freebies, fun, funny, luck, poem, rejection, samples, saving money, sucess, testing, trying my luck

So I was sat at home and I was watching the latest JML advert, I’d sky plussed it so why not. Tempting though it was I decided not to invest in the rubber tin opener they were selling. I don’t have any rubber tins so this would have been a waste of money. Slowly however I realised that JML were telling me something and I got up to put the tea on. As I walked into the kitchen I noticed that pinned to the fridge were a number of free coupons. I had my eureka moment and realised that pins and fridges dont mix. I also decided to start this blog.

I am now going to try and blag as much free stuff as I can and I will keep you posted on my progress. My blogs will include tears, laughter, poetry and beef.

I hope you enjoy reading and I’ll keep you posted…

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Tags: Free, free stuff, freebies, fun, funny, luck, poem, rejection, samples, saving money, sucess, testing, trying my luck