Still Alive

So situation at the moment? Let's see...

Still with A? Check. (18 months as of Boxing Day! Eeee! :D)

My closest friends know about me and A? Check (This was such a big hurdle. Fuck all the people who panic about telling their mum, telling your friends is just as hard!)

Medical school offer for next year? Check.

Good christmas? Check.

Amazing new years eve in london coming up? Check (touch wood)

New clothes from the January sales? Check.

Happy? CHECK.

:)

Happy new year everyone, whoever you are.

Where are we going?

I'll update properly soon, I really will. But for now, I thought I'd just tell you a little bit before I go out and meet A.

At the moment, I'm still in love with A and I think she loves me too. But she says she's been feeling strange about us the past couple of weeks and due to my parents and the distance, she's not sure if I'm worth the effort anymore, especially since we're not going anywhere in this relationship, future-wise.

So yeah, I'm really anxious about the conversation tonight.

And by the way, the haircut? Apparently it looks like Elliot's off Scrubs. But not blonde, obviously.

Visits

A is coming back tomorrow for the weekend, which, obviously, is highly exciting. It feels like I haven't seen her in ages, even though it hasn't even been 2 weeks but that is a long time to go without being wrapped up in her arms, or kissing her, or being fucked in the back of her car.

I'm also getting my hair cut tomorrow morning (trust me it needs it) and slightly worried that it'll go terribly wrong and that I'll have to see A straight after. God, I'm such a girl.

*rubs eyes* An Update?!

First of all, to all the readers out there that still come back to this blog after a month of awful neglect, sorry and thank you! There's been more than a few changes in my life and I suppose blogging just took a backseat for a while...

So, what has happened?

Well, we took option 3.

We then went to Alton Towers , and stayed there for one amazing night in their hotel. And, for the first time, we were actually couple-y in public as we were miles away from anyone we knew and therefore couldn't be accidentally outed. It was so good. Like, just stopping in the middle of the street to kiss and not care who was watching or filming (Yeah and you thought you were being subtle. We could see the camera!)

A few days before Alton, A also told one of her friends about us :0 She was fine about it, in fact, she was more jealous than shocked that we had been having hot lesbian sex all this time.

Then a week after that, my parents went on holiday and guess who moved in for the time being :) We went clubbing that week and yeah, let's just say lots of phone cameras were out! Which I am most disturbed by, as I am one of those people that disappear as soon as a camera is out. This, as I'm sure many of you will know, will only provoke people into taking more pictures of you whilst you're trying to hide. The result? Lots of photos on Facebook that you really wish weren't tagged.

Anyways, mid-dancing, this girl comes up to me and says,

"Are you going to pull that girl any time soon?"

This I wasn't expecting. "What, why? Maybe..."

"'Cos my friends are practically drooling and I think you should give them a show."

I look around, and that's when I notice that me and A were actually surrounded by strange guys (plus the random girl) dancing and occasionally glancing towards us as if we were going to have sex right on the dance floor any minute now.

We escaped at 4am in the end, got back to my place, ripped each other's clothes off and gave a show that those guys would have been proud of ;)

The next week, when I went back to the same club with different friends, I found that I was recognised, as A lovingly put it, "the lesbian slag of Bournemouth".

So, A has been at Uni one week and so far, I think we're doing OK. Touch wood. And now? Well I'm just waiting for the inevitable influx of readers who have googled "hot lesbian sex" to realise that they are on the wrong site, yet again.

Where Are We Going?

So we broke up.

Then we kissed.

Then we had sex.

Then we broke up again.

Then we kissed.

And then yesterday we had sex again.

And there were talks about us giving it a go, but now there are talks of us breaking up again. Except this time we're down to three options -

1) Break up on the first day of her Uni
2) Break up in the first week of her Uni
3) Stay together and see how it goes

Honestly, I'm not sure which one is more likely at the moment.

Dear A,

I love you.

When you said "I think I want to go to university this year", I wanted to beg and plead you not to, to stay with me for another year, just one more. What I said instead was, "Ok babe. Where?"

That was yesterday.

Now you have an interview lined up for monday and I have a feeling you're pretty much definitely going.

We sat on the bridge over the train tracks at night, talking over what was to become of us. We realized we wouldn't be able to talk as much, with my new work commitments and your new uni ones. We realized that we definitely wouldn't see each other as much. I realized that I had to let you go, and you knew it too.

But when you said, "I can't see us working babe", I couldn't stop the lump in my throat forming or the small tears spilling as water pressed up against my eyes.

You asked me if there was a way, and I didn't know the answer.

When I dropped you off home, you didn't get out for an hour. Instead you sat in the passenger seat and told me "But you make me happy..." and held me close as we both shook with tears, not wanting to let go.

We shared stories of the past 14 months, of events, days out, and things we used to do. I kissed you on the mouth, not knowing if this was the last time. You tasted so sweet.

When you finally had to go, I desperately wanted to scream at you to stop, to be with me and to tell you that we could definitely make this work. Instead, I drove off and sobbed uncontrollably. I couldn't pretend any longer, I loved you so much and never wanted to let you go, but I had to, because you wouldn't be mine forever.

I love you.

Please never leave me.

And So It Begins

I am growing up.

How do I know this?

No, it's not because of my uncanny ability to fall asleep in a few seconds, anytime (daytime naps are the way forward, people), but because I have started my new full time job.

Now since this means I hadn't seen A as much, I felt quite incomplete last night when I realised that it had been 4 days since I last saw her and hadn't told her about the advert that I saw on Sunday that reminded me of her, or the weird conversation that I overheard the other day and other such silly important stuff. So, I drove to hers after work.

Let's just rewind here.

I drove to hers after work.

Which, if you ask me, is up there with other such grown-up phrases such as "Not tonight honey, I've had a tiring day." Of course, you may feel free to shoot me if I ever utter these words and mean it.