This morning we went to Whole Foods and grabbed some fruit. Cade ate 1/3 of the strawberry carton before getting into the car but when I strapped him to the car seat he begged for more. I gave him the container and let him munch. The grocery bag was sitting right next to him so when he was done he closed the strawberry carton and put it in the bag. Sweet. When I emptied the grocery bag in the house there was a battery in with the strawberries. Gotta love boys.
We sat down to lunch after playing in the street with his new scooter. We had salads which I still think is funny watching a toddler eat lettuce. (If I were him I would be beggin' for something greasy and cheesy!) Anyway, I needed water but didn't want to get up so I drank from my water cup that I left on the table that morning. It tasted funny. There was blue play dough in it. Boys:)
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Fa La La La La La La La La!
It is the Christmas post. The one where I can talk about miracles and magic. But before I begin let me tell you how the post came to me. I was sitting on the floor tonight, wrapping the last two gifts for Cade's stash. I was using packing tape. ARGH. Have you ever tried wrapping gifts with packing tape? Do you want to know what it's like to wrap gifts with packing tape? I was in that predicament because my sweet boy pulled all the gift tape out of its little plastic place. We have been trying to keep him away from family/neighborhood gifts and yesterday we just had a moment. He grabbed the tape off the floor of our bedroom (aka Santa's work shop) and in two seconds he had pulled all the tape out. Little boys. It stinks to peel back the packing tape and then you lose your spot on the roll while you try to fold up the wrapping paper around your little gift. Cursing follows quickly when you have to find your spot again, but then it makes you think about all the Christmas' that we didn't have toys to wrap and all the Christmas' were we didn't have childhood magic floating about. See, I pulled that mushy gushy out of nowhere! I am so glad and so thankful that our baby Cade, our sweet little man Cade is home. He is such a great treasure even though I will never have a moment of quiet sanity in my brain until he is in college.
This Christmas he is so aware of the holiday spirit. He understands a lot, and still doesn't understand a lot but it is fun. Afraid of Santa, and loves Frosty. Wants to open every gift even if it isn't his.
We set up all the gifts under the tree and whew - I'm emotional. Our little boy has worked so hard this year and Santa made sure he was rewarded. He will be waking up to the neatest little play kitchen, a scooter, some tools, a microphone, and a learning lap top. I can't wait to see what he loves the most and what he chooses to play with first.
Tonight our neighborhood lights up luminaries on the street and it is so charming. Cade helped his daddy pour sand in the bags and prepare them. Prior to that we went ice skating again. He is frequenting all the area rinks and is making sure he learns to do this thing by himself. Next time we go I am bringing a helmet for him so I can have a moment of peace.
Merry Christmas to all that still follow Cade's blog!
This Christmas he is so aware of the holiday spirit. He understands a lot, and still doesn't understand a lot but it is fun. Afraid of Santa, and loves Frosty. Wants to open every gift even if it isn't his.
We set up all the gifts under the tree and whew - I'm emotional. Our little boy has worked so hard this year and Santa made sure he was rewarded. He will be waking up to the neatest little play kitchen, a scooter, some tools, a microphone, and a learning lap top. I can't wait to see what he loves the most and what he chooses to play with first.
Tonight our neighborhood lights up luminaries on the street and it is so charming. Cade helped his daddy pour sand in the bags and prepare them. Prior to that we went ice skating again. He is frequenting all the area rinks and is making sure he learns to do this thing by himself. Next time we go I am bringing a helmet for him so I can have a moment of peace.
Merry Christmas to all that still follow Cade's blog!
Sunday, December 14, 2008
The Trip to the Ice Rink
I am trying to keep up with my little 3-4 posts a month. I can't believe how fast the holidays arrived this year. Things on the 'project big brother' front are hanging in. We are happy to report that we are moving forward with another pill that will be better for my body, besides the cysts my body did not suppress the way it was supposed to. So we are just four weeks off of our original plan:) Spirits are still strong and excited.
Ice Skating was a blast! It was by far the best thing we have ever done with Cade. He acted like he knew what he was doing the whole way to the rink. He talked to us in the car, he would say "snow, ice, hard, skate!" When we got there, he was like bring it on... lets go already. He wanted to skate just like his parents and he freaked a bit when the walker was stuck in some wet ice. He didn't want any help! Heavens. He would not let us touch him but he wasn't moving. We let go of the walker eventually and he wanted to make trip after trip around the rink together! By the third time around he said, "put away please", he was done! He wanted to watch the skaters from the car, we swear he could have done that the rest of the day.
We hope everyone is enjoying the holiday season. It is really fun to spend the holidays with a toddler... magical!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I get so emotional baby!
Who doesn't love a little Whitney Houston? Scott and I have these good friends, Kim and Rob. Scott loves to get together & watch football with Rob, and he always says with a smile, while we watch TV you gals can talk about your emotions! Men!
This week has been filled those darn emotions. Cade is emoting. Nothing short of a miracle considering we have had to teach a lot of emotion to him. I posted about his sensitivity to babies crying, and that has started a lot of this emotional/feelings journey. We talk about being happy too. It has been so amazing to watch him discuss his happiness. He is happy eating sweets, happy singing and happy after playing with friends. So enjoyable and good!
What is not so enjoyable is that he has been scared. Scared when we rock and scared if he wakes up in the middle of the night, scared. We have not known what he is scared off, because he doesn't have the language yet. That makes things interesting. It is obvious that being scared of the dark is at the forefront but what else??? The last few weeks he has been scared of shadows. We tried to explain them, that didn't work, it made it worse. We tried doing the hand/duck quacking motion on the wall so he can see it is the light and our hands that make it appear blah blah blah. You get the point... but Cade didn't. So now he says "shadows, scured" - really too cute. We reinforce the fact that he is protected and loved and he has been okay.
Moving on... we made a snowman in art class this week. He was scared of it but eventually laughs when I tell him how friendly snowmen are. We started reading about Xmas and Santa just last night and I never knew how scary Santa can be for little tots. See this book talks about Santa and the chimney. He helps Scott build fires in the chimney and he doesn't want to see Santa go down that way. Not a brilliant book choice on Mom's part. He kept saying scared and the damage was already done. He woke up in the middle of the night in a terror, panic, w/choking cries. He slept with us and still was panicked. We had not put it all together entirely until nap. We read the Santa book again because Mommy had been crying all morning (again the emotions) and I wasn't thinking. He freaked out. I mean would not let me lay him down, he clung to my neck. So we napped together. Tonight, he stalled, he made jokes, he wouldn't get jammies on, he would hug us and sing! We read to him (different book of course) and he freaked as we tried to lay him down. So Santa really has put a holiday damper on our Xmas parade. We sat on the floor for 5 min. until he feel asleep, we gave him a picture of all three of us to hold in case he was "scurred" and he is now happily asleep. Let's hope he stays down for the night and gets this Santa business out of his cute little memory.
So I was crying all morning, but I am better now. We were scheduled for the big appt. today, the one where I get to start stimulation meds and pump up my ovaries for the big day! Not to get into annoying details but I have a cyst on my ovary. I never get those, but I have one from the darn meds that they are using to control my cycle. Whatever folks. There is a lot more to the story, and cysts are not a big deal, they shrink or burst but what the big deal is it that it could delay us in starting. See they clean/close the lab down over the holidays and the little cleaning schedule doesn't jive with my cyst's schedule so we have to wait and see. Basically if that silly little pesky thing doesn't shrink by Saturday we are a "no go" this month. Cade had to watch me cry which was not great considering the pseudo Santa panic night that happened. He was very sensitive, he asked me clear as day "whats wrong" - can you stand it? So cute. I talked to him about my crying and that I was having a bad day and I managed to laugh. I said that a shower would wash away my tears and we would go eat a donut like any good crying woman wants to do. So we went and I feed my child a donut and lived vicariously through him the whole time. Sick isn't it? Then we went home and made "craps" or crafts as I like to call it.
I hope this isn't too much emotion for you! and I hope you are having a better week than this:)
If you have any emotion left after reading this long post, could you pray for us?
This week has been filled those darn emotions. Cade is emoting. Nothing short of a miracle considering we have had to teach a lot of emotion to him. I posted about his sensitivity to babies crying, and that has started a lot of this emotional/feelings journey. We talk about being happy too. It has been so amazing to watch him discuss his happiness. He is happy eating sweets, happy singing and happy after playing with friends. So enjoyable and good!
What is not so enjoyable is that he has been scared. Scared when we rock and scared if he wakes up in the middle of the night, scared. We have not known what he is scared off, because he doesn't have the language yet. That makes things interesting. It is obvious that being scared of the dark is at the forefront but what else??? The last few weeks he has been scared of shadows. We tried to explain them, that didn't work, it made it worse. We tried doing the hand/duck quacking motion on the wall so he can see it is the light and our hands that make it appear blah blah blah. You get the point... but Cade didn't. So now he says "shadows, scured" - really too cute. We reinforce the fact that he is protected and loved and he has been okay.
Moving on... we made a snowman in art class this week. He was scared of it but eventually laughs when I tell him how friendly snowmen are. We started reading about Xmas and Santa just last night and I never knew how scary Santa can be for little tots. See this book talks about Santa and the chimney. He helps Scott build fires in the chimney and he doesn't want to see Santa go down that way. Not a brilliant book choice on Mom's part. He kept saying scared and the damage was already done. He woke up in the middle of the night in a terror, panic, w/choking cries. He slept with us and still was panicked. We had not put it all together entirely until nap. We read the Santa book again because Mommy had been crying all morning (again the emotions) and I wasn't thinking. He freaked out. I mean would not let me lay him down, he clung to my neck. So we napped together. Tonight, he stalled, he made jokes, he wouldn't get jammies on, he would hug us and sing! We read to him (different book of course) and he freaked as we tried to lay him down. So Santa really has put a holiday damper on our Xmas parade. We sat on the floor for 5 min. until he feel asleep, we gave him a picture of all three of us to hold in case he was "scurred" and he is now happily asleep. Let's hope he stays down for the night and gets this Santa business out of his cute little memory.
So I was crying all morning, but I am better now. We were scheduled for the big appt. today, the one where I get to start stimulation meds and pump up my ovaries for the big day! Not to get into annoying details but I have a cyst on my ovary. I never get those, but I have one from the darn meds that they are using to control my cycle. Whatever folks. There is a lot more to the story, and cysts are not a big deal, they shrink or burst but what the big deal is it that it could delay us in starting. See they clean/close the lab down over the holidays and the little cleaning schedule doesn't jive with my cyst's schedule so we have to wait and see. Basically if that silly little pesky thing doesn't shrink by Saturday we are a "no go" this month. Cade had to watch me cry which was not great considering the pseudo Santa panic night that happened. He was very sensitive, he asked me clear as day "whats wrong" - can you stand it? So cute. I talked to him about my crying and that I was having a bad day and I managed to laugh. I said that a shower would wash away my tears and we would go eat a donut like any good crying woman wants to do. So we went and I feed my child a donut and lived vicariously through him the whole time. Sick isn't it? Then we went home and made "craps" or crafts as I like to call it.
I hope this isn't too much emotion for you! and I hope you are having a better week than this:)
If you have any emotion left after reading this long post, could you pray for us?
Monday, November 24, 2008
The Thanks and the Giving Gift.
The Thanks:
This is the most thankful I have ever been in my entire life. It is not because of financial blessings or wishes granted and wants fulfilled. It is entirely because of my relationship with God and my awareness of all that is. Through the help of some completely random things I have been able to string together the pieces of my existence and become thankful for even the hard and painful things in my life.
Yes, it makes it easier that Cade is home with us and not undergoing any surgeries, and we are not childless. But I still have greater awareness this year that all those things had a very important/special place in my life and I am thankful. Yes, I'm thankful for the struggle.
I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to try for another child. I understand that the financial piece is difficult for most if not all couples pursuing reproductive therapy. I am glad that we have the funds necessary to walk through this task. Most of all, I am deeply humbled that God's peace and presence is with me during the unknowns of this experience. We are not successful yet, we don't know the answer to the pregnancy test that awaits us as we ring in the New Year. But I know that whatever the outcome, it is truly the right one for us. The power that comes from that, I am unable to put into words. I don't feel powerless, I feel powerful and hopeful that my life will go on, with child number 2 or without. I don't think I could have said that four years ago.
There was a time that I couldn't wrap my arms around the homeless gal on our local road, who held a up a sign that said "pregnant, need I say more". There was a time where I couldn't process how people would ignore and yell at their kids all day long. I can process this now. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant and experiencing motherhood is not a reward for being a good person. It just isn't. I am thankful for knowing this.
I received a Gift today. I was talking to God as I drove Cade downtown to feed some ducks. I was thanking him for the gift of trying IVF. I was thankful for the bumpy, imperfect, flaw filled experience of infertility and adoption. I was telling him how much I have learned about the world and it's people and myself. When Cade and I got out of the car, we walked over to the water. I started to throw some bread around and Cade became giddy with excitement. I noticed a family, a set of grandparents with their daughter and grandaughter. I heard Russian. I extended a piece of bread to the little toddler grand baby to throw & then asked if they were Russian... upon which they said "yes!" I told them about Cade, and do you know that these people were from the town next door to Kirov! I was meeting and interacting with Russians local to my son's heritage. I was talking to the daughter about how long she had been in Annapolis/America and we discussed Cade a bit. The grandfather reached over and hugged me and gave me a thumbs up three times. I began to cry. I never take Cade to feed the ducks when it is below 40 out! It is just so cold, and the wind whips up and makes me chilly. What where the chances that I would meet people indigenous to Cade's birth land in the middle of our local main street? He told his daughter to applaud me and thank me. I felt like God was thanking me for listening to him along the way, his message and his plans. I have been smiling all day.
The Giving Gift for you:
I pray for each and everyone of you to find your peace within your story. I pray that you can find something about your family building to be thankful for. I would love to hear from anyone who needs a up-lifting or a prayer sent up this year. I would love to help in anyway that I can, words of encouragement, advice and listening. May you be comforted this Thanksgiving.
This is the most thankful I have ever been in my entire life. It is not because of financial blessings or wishes granted and wants fulfilled. It is entirely because of my relationship with God and my awareness of all that is. Through the help of some completely random things I have been able to string together the pieces of my existence and become thankful for even the hard and painful things in my life.
Yes, it makes it easier that Cade is home with us and not undergoing any surgeries, and we are not childless. But I still have greater awareness this year that all those things had a very important/special place in my life and I am thankful. Yes, I'm thankful for the struggle.
I am so incredibly grateful for the opportunity to try for another child. I understand that the financial piece is difficult for most if not all couples pursuing reproductive therapy. I am glad that we have the funds necessary to walk through this task. Most of all, I am deeply humbled that God's peace and presence is with me during the unknowns of this experience. We are not successful yet, we don't know the answer to the pregnancy test that awaits us as we ring in the New Year. But I know that whatever the outcome, it is truly the right one for us. The power that comes from that, I am unable to put into words. I don't feel powerless, I feel powerful and hopeful that my life will go on, with child number 2 or without. I don't think I could have said that four years ago.
There was a time that I couldn't wrap my arms around the homeless gal on our local road, who held a up a sign that said "pregnant, need I say more". There was a time where I couldn't process how people would ignore and yell at their kids all day long. I can process this now. Getting pregnant and staying pregnant and experiencing motherhood is not a reward for being a good person. It just isn't. I am thankful for knowing this.
I received a Gift today. I was talking to God as I drove Cade downtown to feed some ducks. I was thanking him for the gift of trying IVF. I was thankful for the bumpy, imperfect, flaw filled experience of infertility and adoption. I was telling him how much I have learned about the world and it's people and myself. When Cade and I got out of the car, we walked over to the water. I started to throw some bread around and Cade became giddy with excitement. I noticed a family, a set of grandparents with their daughter and grandaughter. I heard Russian. I extended a piece of bread to the little toddler grand baby to throw & then asked if they were Russian... upon which they said "yes!" I told them about Cade, and do you know that these people were from the town next door to Kirov! I was meeting and interacting with Russians local to my son's heritage. I was talking to the daughter about how long she had been in Annapolis/America and we discussed Cade a bit. The grandfather reached over and hugged me and gave me a thumbs up three times. I began to cry. I never take Cade to feed the ducks when it is below 40 out! It is just so cold, and the wind whips up and makes me chilly. What where the chances that I would meet people indigenous to Cade's birth land in the middle of our local main street? He told his daughter to applaud me and thank me. I felt like God was thanking me for listening to him along the way, his message and his plans. I have been smiling all day.
The Giving Gift for you:
I pray for each and everyone of you to find your peace within your story. I pray that you can find something about your family building to be thankful for. I would love to hear from anyone who needs a up-lifting or a prayer sent up this year. I would love to help in anyway that I can, words of encouragement, advice and listening. May you be comforted this Thanksgiving.
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