I also cried while writing this whole thing down. LOTS. The kind that leaves your eyes puffy and ugly in the morning. Hahaha. Not to mention my audition for the speech was a total mess as I was crying unstoppably like a kid. No regrets, though. I got to know myself and my story better through this process. I think it was the highlight of my two and a half years in the United States. I think this was why I was here, enduring all the pain and making all the wrong choices -- to tell people not to do the same mistakes I did. And to send the message that God does make beauty out of our mess.
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. -Romans 8:28
You can find the transcript of the speech here.
Next Step
A lot of people have been asking what my next step would be. I honestly don't know. I kind of want to go to Singapore and live with my dad, maybe for a month or two. That's because I don't think we've spent enough time together and I don't think I've known him enough. It matters because how I see my father greatly reflects and affects how I see God. And right now, I have some serious God issues that need to take priority in my life. This path is uncertain, and it might mean holding off my bachelor's degree for an indefinite amount of time. And I am reaaally itching to finish my studies already because I feel so left behind. Lol.
On the other hand, I can work for a year in the United States, maybe earn enough to continue studying here for the next two years. Very tempting. I don't have to repeat any course work or apply to colleges with so much uncertainty because I'm sure my grades and achievements are sufficient enough to get me to a good college. True, I'm feeling a bit homesick. But you know what, I'm 20. And for me, 20 is too young to leave my family (which I already did at 17). There's only so much time I can spend with them 'til I go totally independent or marry and have my own family. I, myself, do not want to chase things that really will not matter.
In the end, I hope I make the right choice. I hope it all works out. And whatever I choose to do, I pray that I end up in the path that will lead me to God.