The 2008 Drysdale Awards.

Grant Miller Media is accepting nominations for the 2008 Drysdale Awards for Blogs.

Nominees will be announced Dec. 8. Winners will be selected a few weeks later and a lavish ceremony gala is planned for Dec. 29 in Chicago. All are welcome.

Award categories are:

• Blogger of the Year.
• Least Influential Political Blog.
• Blog with the Most Spelling or Grammatical Errors.
• Blog with the Most Spam Comments.
• Blog with the Most Text Messaging Jargon.
• Blog with the Most Stolen or Unattributed Material.
• Blog with the Most Pictures of the Blogger.
• Blog with the Most Cat Pictures.
• Blog with the Most Baby Pictures.
• Least Logical Political Argument in a Single Post.
• Most Off-Topic Comment.
• Least Updated Blog.
• Most Pointless Blog Post.
• Ugliest Blog.
• Longest Single Post.
• Blurriest Photo to Appear In a Single Post.
• Worst Commenter.
• Most Swear Words in a Single Post.
• Blogger Who's Online Persona is Much Cooler Than His or Her Real Persona.
• Dullest Blog.

Nominations will be accepted via comments to this post or by emailing here. Please type "DRYSDALE AWARDS" in the subject line for all e-mail submissions.

A Message from Former President Bill Clinton.

Yesterday, President-elect Barack Obama selected my wife as his Secretary of State. As an American, I am excited someone with such knowledge and expertise will guide our foreign policy in these perilous times. As her husband, I am deeply proud.

But now that is out of the way, I would like to further assist President-elect Obama and my wife in their efforts to improve America's image throughout the world. As you may remember, I have a lot of experience dealing with foreign leaders. That's why I think I'd be a perfect choice for an ambassador job.

It would be a great sacrifice on my part. I'd be away from my home and family for weeks, months maybe even years at a time. Although my duties would be primarily ceremonial, I'd have to learn a lot about foreign cultures and really get in with the people.

It's not easy work, but I am up to the task.

To make President-Elect Obama's decision easier, I've compiled a list of countries and areas best suited to my diplomatic skills. They are:

• Rio.
• Ibiza.
• Cabo.
• The South of France.
• St. Tropez.
• Baja.
• Cancun.
• Amsterdam.
• Brazil.
• Jamaica.
• Barbuda.
• Aruba.
• Daytona.
• Wherever they filmed "Blue Lagoon."
• The Bahamas.
• Some of those beaches in like Croatia or wherever.
• New Orleans.

I would be honored to represent the United States in any of these countries.

Sincerely,

Bill Clinton

An Open Letter to Elves.

Dear Elves,

With Christmas drawing near, there is a lot of discussion about your people and profession. Your efficiency and dedication to your craft is greatly admired worldwide. Your natural cheerfulness is an inspiration to us all.

But I've long wondered, do you mind being called Elves?

Personally, I never use the E-word to describe you. It's ignorant, out-dated and insensitive and says more about a speaker's intelligence than anything else. Growing up, my parents used the E-word to describe anyone wearing bells on their shoes or with pointy ears.

I've fought that attitude my entire life - from my support of Elfirmative Action to my opposition of Willy Wonka films for its depiction of Oompa-Loompas. And I believe marriage between you and pixies or fairies should be fully legal. There is no greater defender of the rights of North Pole Indigenous Peoples than me.

But I sometimes wonder if I'm taking it too far? Is my political correctness merely a product of my own Non-Mythological Guilt?

Many - some whom I respect very much - don't even flinch when they hear the E-word. They continue to buy Keebler products despite its record of poor working conditions and lack healthcare for retired elves suffering from Tinsel Lung.

So what is it about the term "Elf?" Is it okay for other elves (or is it elfs?) to say it, but insulting when said by non-elves? What about when Quentin Tarantino makes a movie and uses the E-word and claims he's diminishing its power? Do you find that offensive?

Does it bother you to see "elf costumes" that present a caricature of your rich and historic culture? Or drawings that continue the stereotype that all elves have pointy ears and wear curly shoes?

I hope that our world has grown enough that we can discuss issues of elf-human relations openly and candidly. I look forward to your response.

Sincerely
Grant Miller, Esq.

New Grant Miller Media Columnist Jim Rome on Thanksgiving.

We all know about Thanksgiving Day. It's about getting together with family. With friends. Eating. Football. We all know that.

But if you come to Thanksgiving dinner empty handed, you might as well turn around and go home. You can bring anything but you have to bring something. A pie. A fruit salad. Wine. Flowers. Anything.

_

And if you're gonna bring a pie, it better be apple. You've got to bring it. You've got to own it. That's my advice to you.

Some guys just don't get it. They lack the mental capacity and the will to bring something to Thanksgiving dinner. And not only does that let everyone else down - but they're the real losers.

_

How could anyone so ignorant to skip bringing a dish or something to Thanksgiving dinner? Who are these people? Where have these people been living?

I don't know. But I do know this - if you invite me to Thanksgiving dinner first I'm going to ask what do you need me to bring. That's the first thing I'm going to do. If you say I don't need to bring anything, if you're too generous, you're too gracious - that's great. But you know what, I'm going to bring something anyway.

That's the kind of guy I am.

_

But that's not the kind of guy my Uncle Ray is. He won't bring anything. He won't even ask to help out. How could he possibly think that he can just arrive at dinner empty handed and people won't talk. That's all you need to know about this guy right there.

People will talk and what they say he may not like. Uncle Ray - listen up. Dry out, wake up and bring something to Thanksgiving Dinner or this is going to end badly.

_

I mean, what's next? No presents at Christmas? No candy on Halloween? No barbecue on Labor Day?

_

With that said, I do have to give credit where credit is due - my Uncle Ray always brought it on the Fourth of July with enough fireworks to destroy a small village. I mean, my man Ray would wake up lighting M-80s and cherry bombs and wouldn't stop until the last Roman Candle exploded in the night sky.

_

But if he doesn't bring something to Thanksgiving this year, this whole family might explode long before Independence Day.

"Transporter 3"

"Transporter 3" (2008)

Director: Audi AG
Writers: Audi AG with Bruce Vilanch
Release Date: Nov. 26, 2008
Genre: Car commercial, long-form
Tagline: "Stop by an Audi dealer today to test drive a new Audi R8."
Plot: The new Transporter movie from Audi combines the best in German engineering and design. With sleek curves and a 420-horsepower V8 engine, "Transporter 3" is the ultimate European sportscar and luxury sedan. The movie shows this is no ordinary car with its superb handling and sleek styling - you'll love to feel the power as you switch the ignition and grip the wheel. This is a supercar that handles the road with authority and precision. The R8, which had a supporting role in this summer's smash "Iron Man" is better than ever, performing its own stunts and leaving audiences spellbound. A lesser car - imagine a Honda Accord or a Ford Focus in the same role - never could have carried this movie. The Audi R8 performed its own stunts with power, grace and a degree of pathos never before seen from a car. Although the film's few love scenes were mechanical and heavy handed, the Audi shines in the action scenes. Jason Statham and Francois Berleand reprise their cameo roles from the previous Transporter movies, also.

Kindly reprinted with permission from Soap Box Magazine.

The FDIC's List of Problem Banks.

The Federal Deposit Insurance Corp. on Tuesday added 54 more banks to its list of troubled institutions. FDIC regulators now estimate there are 171 "problem banks" in the U.S., the highest amount since 1995.

Here's a partial list of the recently added banks:

• Insecurity Pacific Corp.
• Infidelity Investments.
• Banco Unpopular.
• ChubbyChase National Bank.
• Inequitable Trust.
• Mefirst Bank.
• Jittery Bank and Trust Co.
• Mario Van Peoples Bank.
• Bank 12 Corp.
• 37th Union Corp.
• Howard, Howard, Howard and Fine Securities Unlimited.
• Grocery Store Bank and Investments.
• Dicey Financial Services and Investments.
• Bank of Gary, Indiana.
• NSF Bank.
• Leon Spinks Money Holdings.

Oprah's Favorite Things 2008.

Oprah Winfrey's 2008 "Favorite Things" episode will skip its lavish giveaways and focus on economical products to better reflect the struggling economy. In previous years, Winfrey showered her audience with camcorders, high-end watches and top-of-the-line kitchen gizmos. Here's a look at her scaled back 2008 edition:

• A bag of beans.
• A 1994 Chevy Lumina.
• 143 fold-and-close sandwich bags.
• A December 2003 National Geographic.
• Two 10 percent off coupons for participating Long John Silvers.
• Some old 9-volt batteries that should still work.
• A Starbucks card with 43 cents remaining.
• A Timex.
• A bag full of gently used twist ties.
• A pen from Old Second National Bank.
• The funnies from the Aug. 10 Chicago Sun-Times.
• Six Tootsie Rolls.
• A can of fancy whole beets
• A Rush "2112" concert t-shirt.
• A scratch-and-win lottery ticket.
• "The Dog Whisperer - Celebrity Edition" DVD.
• A towel set from the Enid, Oklahoma, Days Inn.

This Week's Winners and Losers.

Winner: Oxygen.

Why it's a winner: Oxygen is highly reactive and readily forms compounds with all other elements! It's a requirement for all living things on Earth! It helps sick people! Try finding another element that can do that!

Loser: Ununbium

Why it's a loser: It's only a "temporary" element of the periodic table! Even it's name is temporary! Scientists call it a "superheavy element," which is a nice way of saying it's fat! They even say it's a "typical" superheavy element which means it has a lousy personality and won't compound with anyone! Maybe that's because it's so dang volatile!

An Inspirational Message from Grant Miller Media.

If I ever go homeless during the Obama administration, I'm going to hold a sign that reads "Can anybody spare some change we can believe in?"

Random Songs on My iPod.

1. "Embassy Row" Pavement.
2. "What Is and What Should Never Be" Led Zeppelin.
3. "Aurora Borealis" Meat Puppets.
4. "You Know My Name (Look Up the Number)" The Beatles.
5. "Rock 'n' Roll Star" Oasis.
6. "Concubine" Butthole Surfers.
7. "Oliver Twisted" The Vaselines.
8. "Don't Throw Ashtrays at Me" Swell Maps.
9. "I've Seen All Good People" Yes.
10. "Save it For Later" The English Beat.
11. "Some Girls Are Bigger Than Others (Live)" The Smiths.
12. "Ghost" Neutral Milk Hotel.
13. "Time to Pretend" MGMT.
14. "Little Wing" Jimi Hendrix.
15. "Tally Ho" The Clean.