Happy Thanksgiving... a few days late.

Wow I was super busy the last 2 weeks! I have been meaning to post but have not had a free moment. My last post was a super rant, bitchy post and I almost regret publishing it. But... it's too late now.

Today I am much better. Thanksgiving was amazing... I worked Monday and was off the rest of the week. My mom flew in on Tuesday evening so I had the whole day to get errands done for the week. I came home and baked pumpkin bread and cooked potato broccoli bacon cheddar cheese soup. On Wednesday I prepped food all day for Thanksgiving so I could relax on Thanksgiving and actually spend time with my family.

Friday I went shopping. I got up at 3:30 to be to the stores by 4. Yes I was insane, but I got some pretty good deals and saved a lot of money. The last store I was in I locked my keys in my hubby's truck. That sucked. But it all worked out.

My mom helped me organize my house and purge stuff that was taking up space. I donated 10 big black garbage bags of clothes and toys to Goodwill. It was so good to get rid of the stuff and hopefully some little girls will have a nice Christmas with the stuff we got rid of.

I was sad to see my mom go, but there will be a next time.

I hope all of you had a great holiday and had plenty to be thankful for.

A little bit of this... a little bit of that...

This past weekend was our 13th annual Fraternal Order of Police dinner. For about 9 months out of the year we prepare for this event. I totally look forward to doing it. The hustle and bustle of all of the people and being under pressure is a rush to me. Crazy, yes I know.

When we had our last meeting one of our younger (20 years old) members said I should "tone down" my assigned sex basket. For those of you who don't know I have started my own business doing them with the feedback I got on making them. So clearly people like them, not to mention it's a ga-zillion dollar industry. Ever heard of the phrase, "Sex Sells"? Well I was a bit put off by his comment and responded by saying "kids" your age should be thinking about nothing but sex. I asked him to define "tone down" and he really couldn't answer me. I said... we are all human and we all do it. For this years basket I toned things down as asked by burying the taboo toys and covering up movie titles. When I provided the list of goodies I put the "offensive items" on the second page. Meaning if you were really interested you had to turn to page two.

Ticket sales were great, but it wasn't a "best seller". It's ok with me... It just means next year I won't buy as much to put in it.

For the night though I was rather crabby as a whole. I had a lot on my mind and everything really it me at once and it was almost an overload.

1. One of our couple friends couldn't make it because of her job. She had a marketing deadline which prevented her from doing much of anything. Another couple didn't come because the wife has been having really bad morning/noon/night-sickness. Another her hubby has been sick for about a week... The good thing was my best friend one who would most likely not be able to attend came from Wisconsin. I was so happy to see her.

2. I have been stressed out... One of our members is like Fidel Castro. It's her way or the highway. And it's getting to me.

3. I got medical news about my back... I was told I have lumbar spinal stenosis. I was in a bad car accident 12 years ago. I went through 9 months of physical therapy and 3 years of chiropractic care. I have been just managing the pain through intermitent chiropratic visits. Before we went to Vegas this year I was having pain in my back, which isn't new. I just figured it was just back pain. I finally called the doctor 2 months later dealing with pain between 7-9 on the standard pain scale. I went to the doctor and they said my kidney's are fine (which is what I was worried about) and it must be a sprained muscle. Basically the doctor thought I was a quack and as a preventitive [shut-up] measure I would have x-rays taken and muscle relaxers 3 times a day. The following day (Friday) I get a message from the doctor. She tells me there "really is" something wrong. She tells me I have lumbar spinal stenosis. Great... I have feared this moment. I honestly thought it would never happen. I am scared. I start reading up on this lovely medical term and blurbs say... walking with a walker or leaning over a grocery cart can help alieviate the pain. I am 30 years old and crippled! Fantastic. I have to start all over with medical treatments. Starting with the pain pills 3 times a day for 3 weeks. There's a catch though... I can't take 2 out of the 3 doses as I work full-time and have 2 kids and these things make me pass out. If those don't work I will move onto physical therapy. If PT is unsuccessful cortisone shots and lastly back surgery. It's pretty much eminent though. So my coloinal "dream" house is not going to be a reality. We will need to buy a ranch...

So all of those things just really got to me. It was a lot to digest. After talking about it a lot getting my thoughts off my chest I feel better.

On a better note I am looking forward to Thanksgiving. My mom is coming out to visit and I am going to cook/bake. I can't wait to see her. We are going to have our Thanksgiving alone and not go over and visit Tom's family for desert. It will be a nice time to bond and re-connect and for her to see our kids and get to spend time with them. Then we go to Florida for Christmas!

Sigh of relief...

We finally hired two babysitters! Now I can have time away with my hubby! It's so exciting!

26 years ago...

Today marks the 26th anniversary that I lost my dad... It is the 26th anniversary on the 26th day of the month. It's just weird. I never thought that the numbers would climb so high. I honestly never thought I would outlive my father. It was a fear I had growing up. That fear almost broke up my marriage. But with some help I got through it. Now I feel that I can face most anything with a different perspective. Every year that goes by, I feel that I have taken some sort of life experience that [I feel] my dad would have wanted me to endure. And for the most part I feel that I have taken them in stride.

I talk to my dad's brothers and sisters and they all miss him terribly. They speak of him like one would speak of God. It just really makes me wish I could have known my dad for more than 4 years. Those 4 years I have clung onto for dear life trying not to overwrite any memories with new ones. Because I just don't want to forget. I can't. But as time passes by it just seems like it all was a dream. Most of my life my father has been a dream, he's been in my dreams. I have had to invision him in the majority of my childhood experiences all the way to today. I would give anything for him to hug my kids. And for once not to explain to Emily that Grandpa is in heaven.

Those are all of my selfish thoughts.... But for now... I must rest easy knowing that my father is in heaven and he is with my family and I every day. And I have to dig deep for one of his hugs that only I remember.