Someone Needs to Say This! September 30, 2008
Current mood: adored
Category: Parties and Nightlife
I would much rather be the person who tips a little too much than the cheapskate who is looking for any excuse not to leave a service person a decent tip.
Chances are, if you are reading this blog, you are NOT the Queen of England, so the next time you go out to dinner, hows about you don't act like you are?
FYI: If you frequent a place and tip well, you will be treated like royalty. If you frequent a place and act like royalty but don't tip well, you will receive some "tips" that you don't want.
Don't shoot the messenger, folks.
Currently
listening
:
The Downward Spiral
By
Nine Inch Nails
Release date: 1994-03-08
And I'm also sorry to say that this post will not speculate on how the writers of the next Batman movie will turn The Riddler into an alcoholic/drug addict if/when Johnny commits to the role.
No, this blog is about something else.
Again, my apologies.
So riddle me this, Batman, why is it that when a terminally ill cancer patient wants to end their life through euthanasia it is illegal, but people who choose to end their life by staying in Galveston with a gigantic hurricane coming towards them that almost certainly promises death face zero penalties?
Hmm, Batman? Speak up, I'm having trouble hearing you.
Open your mind and move on!
Current mood: angsty
Category: News and Politics
Open your mind and move on!
Why is it that two men cannot be best friends without everyone assuming that they are lovers?
How did we come to this?
Take, for example, me and my best friend, Bruce. We've known each other, like, forever, and we like a lot of the same things and we do a lot of stuff together. I assure you that it is completely platonic, but yet our "friends" are always making snide comments that we are somehow "gay for each other".
For the record, Bruce and I both have WOMEN who are our significant others. I even have a couple of children with my partner.
That doesn't stop the questions about how Bruce and I have our weekly "Thursday-Nite Guys-ONLY Nite Out" together.
Believe me, it is just guy-to-guy bonding.
We usually go out to dinner together and then go out to the clubs.
Now, since both of us are attached to particularly jealous ladies, we often go to ManHole Harry's, a local dive bar that few women go to. We go, have a few drinks and dance.
Again, Bruce and I don't cheat, so of course we dance with each other. We've known each other for years so we don't think anything of it. We just like to dance.
When my partner and I go out along with Bruce and his partner and a few of our friends, people always make a big deal out of the fact that Bruce and I are always slapping each other on the ass. What? I know!
Look, if slapping another man's ass is "gay", then I guess 99% of the National Football League is gay, too! I cannot recall the last time I tuned into an NFL game when I didn't notice multiple mens hot, sweaty man-paws slapping against another man's tight, muscular ass that was barely restrained by a pair of tight, shiny, skin-clinging pants.
I see this in the NBA, too, but those shorts have just gotten too long, IMHO.
Not that I care.
The point is that I'm tired of all these silly little people thinking that I'm gay. I'm not. I have nothing against gays, but Bruce and I are just BFF's, nothing more, nothing less.
You need look no farther than our matching necklaces to learn this profound truth.
People need to grow up
I'm quite sure that every guy reading this who has a best friend has endured this discrimination.
Do any other of you guys, or gals, have experiences where everyone thinks you are gay but it is JUST NOT TRUE?!?!
Please share!
Finally, I will be voting for the Republicans this year, because they are the ONLY party standing up to the Homosexual Agenda.
Go GOP!
Currently
listening
:
Introducing...
By
Right Said Fred
Release date: 2004-07-26
Barack Hussein Obama
Current mood: argumentative
Category: News and Politics
No satire tonight, friends.
Thank you!
Thank you.
Thank you!
Thank you.
Thank you! Can you please shut the "f" up so I can write to you tonight, here on the cusp of history?
Thank you!
Thank you.
Thank you! Shut up! Please!
Thank you! Shut your fucking mouths please! I know that my blog is the greatest in history, and I thank you for that, now could you kindly shut up so I can write?
Did you catch The Speech? I will provide a link to it once those FatCats on YouTube get off their fat asses and give us a video of the speech.
I have a dream that one day people of all races will be able to come together and post a YouTube speech on their blog that ended only FOUR...HOURS...AGO!
I have a dream that one day people will come together and WATCH the political candidates instead of watching pre-Season NFL football!
Anyway.
Did you watch Obama's speech?
The first half sounded like Bill Clinton. It was surreal.
The second half provided the real meat, and Obama came out and showed why he has inspired jaded political junkies such as myself.
I cannot recall a major political candidate from either party in the last 20 years telling the people of America that they have a responsibility to take care of themselves.
How many times have you and your buddies sat around drinking until 4 AM talking about all the things you'd say if you were running for President?
Obama will never meet the expectations of the 4 AM crowd, but he's come the closest of anyone I've ever seen.
Think about it. He said specifically that you, as a citizen, need to step up and help make America great.
What?
I thought Presidential candidates were supposed to just promise me my cake and the opportunity to eat it, too?!?!
Did Bush the Younger ever ask America to make sacrifices? Did we pay higher taxes to support the wars? Did we buy War Bonds? Were meat and vegetables and gas rationed for the War Effort?
A war without sacrifice is extremely easy to support. It is just a checkmark you make on a piece of paper.
Young people can go overseas and die and we are okay with that so long as we pay $200 less in taxes than we did the year before.
Moving on....
Did you watch the speech?
I think it may have been one of the finest speeches ever.
"Well you're just a liberal apologist, Dr. Jeff, so your opinion doesn't matter!"
Say the last sentence in a gruff voice. Trust me, it will gain more traction that way.
I don't support either party. I hate the Republicans and I hate the Democrats. I don't give a lick about either.
I support America first. I support candidates who have the potential to be statesmen (or women).
I can list a number of members of both parties that I love; I can list a number of both parties that I hate.
Those who've been reading this blog for the last 4 years know that I don't care about party.
Yes, for the record, I support Obama in this election. I don't necessarily think he will be a "great" President, and I will slam his ass just as hard as I slammed Bush the Younger when he fucked up. I'm licking my chops to criticize Obama the President.
But for right now, at this time, Obama just made a speech that people will be talking about and studying for decades. I truly believe this. I just wish those assholes over on YouTube would get the video up so I can post a link.
Listen to Obama tonight and listen to McCain next week. Who do you want to be President? I don't much care who you vote for, but please vote.
Currently
listening
:
Shout at the Devil
By
Mötley Crüe
Release date: 2003-04-08
DNC Convention Review
Current mood: amused
Category: News and Politics
DNC Convention Review
I wrote the following 5 talking points on Sunday. I was going to publish them here but didn't have the time. Let's look at the talking points and see how I did:
5 Talking Points Questions Going into the Demo Nat Conven'n
5) Obama's uppityness. How much do we really know about this man? More importantly, how much are we going to judge him on race? Obama best not act too white nor acks too black neither. Thank God we live in a country that has gotten past our racial divisions to the point where we can continually invent new ones.
4) Obama's anger. You know how black people are, right? I have no idea WHY they are angry, but all I do know is that it has no place in this convention. The SLIGHTEST expression of emotion from Obama will be a sign that he is a typical angry negro.
Sorry, I meant to write "Negro". It angers the Negroes not to capitalize it, you know.
3) Can Biden correctly pronounce "Barrack Obama" during his VP speech? He sure couldn't during his VP acceptance speech in Illinois.
2) Can Michele Obama sell herself as a modern-day Oprah?
1) Can the Clintons come in and take over the Convention in a manner that both destroys Obama's candidacy yet still sets themselves up to be the frontrunners in 2012? This is the 1 thing I will be looking for in this Convention.
5) I think Day 1 went out of its way to show that Barrack Obama will not, in fact, rape all of our daughters. In fact, he has daughters of his own that love him. His wife appeared on stage without visible bruises and gave a loving tribute to the man with the funny name. All of this, plus Jimmy Carter, gave us a boring but important Day 1. Obama's not the devil, and we need more Jimmy Carter's as statesmen.
4) We'll see tomorrow night.
3) Well, Biden pronounced Barrack Obama correctly 99% of the time and only made one major fumble. He declared that McCain was going to give a bunch of taxes to the rich and powerful and the corporations they run, when in fact he meant to say "tax-cuts". No major gaffes in his speech overall. I found it curious that he chose to say things like, "Obama is going to create a better America" rather than "we will create a new America". Generally Presidents and VP's run as a team, and I never heard him say "we".
As a side note, did you hear Kerry's speech? If THAT Kerry had run in '04, he'd have destroyed Bush the Younger. I guess four years of being beaten down upon made him grow a pair.
2) Yes. If the racists and '60's White Feminists conspire to defeat Obama in November, I think Michelle could have a career ahead of her in soft-core afternoon woman-talk. Frankly, I could barely understand 99% of what she was saying. It was all "feeling" this and "intuition" that. It would have been nice if the DNC had offered subtitles for the males watching at home.
1) Never misunderestimate the Clintons. They did both. Hillary set herself up as a 1) a leader in Congress should Obama win or lose, 2) a front-runner in '12 should Obama lose and 3) the person who put women on the moon.
Bill actually surprised me. He was, perhaps for the first time in his life, Presidential. He supported Obama without reservation and without going overboard about how great he had been as a President. He blasted the GOP without naming names. It was almost....what's that word....dignified? Now we all now that Bill is a friend to ALL black people NOT named Obama, but I thought he did a pretty good job putting aside personal differences for the good of the party.
As you all know, tomorrow's Obama speech will be at the "Big Boy" stadium, where the 1st Class Denver Bronco fans go every Sunday to cheer on their disappointing team to (maybe) a Wild-Card birth every other year.
The pundits are predicting a tame Obama speech that plays it to the vest and blah blah blah. People, listen to me: He didn't move it to a gigantic outdoor stadium to give a ho-hum speech. You are going to see a rousing speech with peaks and valleys and populism galore. I'm not saying this is good or bad, I'm just saying that Obama's about to show the world just how great an orator he is. Fortunately, the stadium doesn't have a roof, because if it did, he'd blow it off tomorrow.
That's my review and my predictions for tomorrow. Have at it!
Clarifying My Answer to Your Question
Current mood: triumphant
Category: News and Politics
Last week, on Tuesday, August 12, I was asked a question here on this blog that I couldn't answer. I'd like to take the opportunity to finally answer that question.
The question was posed to me by none other than Laura, one of my favorite bloggers and also one tough cookie. She never hesitates to ask the tough questions (which I find adorable), and the one she asked me was quite a doozy.
Here's the transcript so you don't have to look it up.
DR JEFF: (continued)....and that's why if we start drilling offshore, gas prices will be back to only $2 a gallon by the time we win the War on Terror!
LAURA: Yeah, maybe we should drill offshore, but wouldn't any increase in supply and theoretical decrease in price be offset by ever-increasing global demand? So in other words, wouldn't gas, at best, stay about the same price?
DR JEFF: Thank you for your question! You are an amazing American, and we need more Americans like you. We need you in Panama City, in South Padre Island, in Ft. Lauderdale and all the other great cities in this greatly awesome nation of beautiful, beautiful people. To answer your question, maybe that is so, but also consider the fact that I am the only candidate in this election who doesn't dye his or her hair, respectively. Uh. Yes. Yes, we need a President who will fight to lower the price of a box of gas.
LAURA: One more question, sir. How-
DR JEFF: Go ahead.
LAURA: Yes sir, you-
DR JEFF: Go ahead, shoot.
LAURA: My question is-
DR JEFF: You can certainly ask me whatever you want. Your question please, missy?
LAURA: Yessir. How many houses do you own?
DR JEFF: Can I get back to you on that one?
LAURA: Uh, I guess...
DR JEFF: Great. Hey I'd like to take this opportunity to talk about the flag....
[end transcript]
Well, Laura, first of all I'd like to tell you that that's a great skirt you're wearing today. And secondly I'd like to answer your question.
After careful consultation with my staff, my wife and foreign lobbyists, I have concluded that the number of houses I own is either zero or a billion, or possibly some number in between.
Well, my fellow Americans, I hope that clears things up. Below you will find a form where you can contribute $20, $50, $100 or $500 to the cause.
Sunday Afternoon Discussion: States’ Rights
Current mood: curious
Category: News and Politics
Today I want to throw out a discussion topic for all of ya'll to weigh in on.
As you all know, the USA was founded on the principle of sovereign states coming together to form a union. When the union was formed, the states held on to a certain degree of power that allowed them to run things in-state the way they saw fit. The Federal Government's job was basically to handle foreign affairs (military, diplomatic, etc.), deliver the mail and to arbitrate disagreements amongst the states.
States' Rights were handed a pretty big blow by one Abraham Lincoln, and the 20th century saw a continual decline of States' Rights vis-a-vis the Federal Government.
If you are a proponent of the Federal Government's preeminence, then you have to answer why the Fed's should control seemingly local issues like education.
If you are a proponent of States' Rights, then you have to answer why Jim Crow laws shouldn't have been eradicated by the Federal Government.
Personally, I waffle on this debate. When it suits me, I support States' Rights. When it suits me, I support Federal preeminence.
While the power of the individual States has unquestionably declined, we still deal with issues where the States and the Federal government come into conflict. Most recently this situation presents itself in the cases of Gay Marriage and Medical Marijuana initiatives.
What do you think should be the ideal or appropriate balance of power between the States and the Fed's? Do you favor the arrangement that was set up by the Constitution, or do you feel that we have evolved beyond that?
Let's hear it.
Currently
listening
:
Shout at the Devil
By
Mötley Crüe
Release date: 2003-04-08
I Need you all to please read this
Current mood: nauseated
Category: News and Politics
No satire today. Nothing funny.
I'm giving you a link to an article that is as long as it is disturbing. You need to read it, however, because it affects each and every one of you. Please take the time to read this article. I don't care whether you comment on this blog or not, just please read this article.
Shaking Hands With McCain
Current mood: curious
Category: News and Politics
Here's the scenario: You are at a rally or some other situation in which you have a chance to shake John McCain's hand. You have 10, yes 10, seconds to tell him something. What do you say?
You can print a diatribe that goes on forever, but the question of the day here is:
"What would you say if you had just ten seconds to talk to McCain?"
Have at it!
[Sex, we want some truth here, not your usual funnybusiness.]
Currently
listening
:
One of the Boys
By
Katy Perry
Release date: 2008-06-17
You are up to bat....what will you say?
Current mood: curious
Category: News and Politics
Here's the scenario: You are at a rally or some other situation in which you have a chance to shake Barrack Obama's hand. You have 10, yes 10, seconds to tell him something. What do you say?
You can print a diatribe that goes on forever, but the question of the day here is:
"What would you say if you had just ten seconds to talk to Obama?"
Have at it!
[Sex, we want some truth here, not your usual funnybusiness.]
Do you believe in the conspiracy theories that 9/11 was an inside job? Do you generally believe in the official story but believe that the government fudged some details? Or do you believe that the official story is true?
I want to know your opinion. Let's have a discussion, but please keep it CIVIL and please don't start making personal attacks on people who have an opinion that differs from you.
cooky/wacky
bitchy
argumentative
adored
curious
complacent
angsty
amused
triumphant
nauseated
anxious
