Bob Ley Is The Most Boring Person In The World

Bob, you're so boring bro. Haha, you boring fella you.











ESPN's Bob Ley may be the most boring person in the world. Outside of my jar of Whey Protein in my Pantry, he may be the most prosaic personality in my home. Every time Ley comes on my Television, I want to turn it and watch CSPAN vote on a variety of potential tariffs to Venezuela.

You can't hate on Bob like you can Jim Rome, Dan Patrick or Woody Paige. You can be bored out of your fucking mind hearing him talk though.

Ley grew up in Bloomfield, New Jersey, where he attended Bloomfield High School and played Tuba and sat in the middle row in most of his classes. He got his start in broadcasting at WSOU at Seton Hall University and often was seen eating a sub outside in the quad. He graduated magna cum laude with a B.A. degree in Communications, Ley worked several minor broadcasting jobs, including public address announcer with the New York Cosmos soccer team (that's where they kick that half moon ball), before landing his first major position with the moth-eaten ESPN in 1979.

In his time off from Outside The Lines and ESPN Ley enjoys defrosting his fridge, reading Eat~Sleep-Prey, earning money in Harvest Moon and waiting for his thumb to heal so he can wash my hair properly again.

If I had Bob Ley for a day I would bring him to a random work party where you don't know anybody, but you had to accompany somebody there, and have Ley sit in a corner and talk to nobody all night!

I would also like to have a conversation with Bob Wondering what to eat on a sunday afternoon, and as an extension wondering what to make for lunch the next day. What should we eat tomorrow Bob? Hmmm, I don't know Danny? That would be amazing!

Speaking of boring, check out the Pet Shop Boys being extremely boring

I Wouldn't Want The Syracuse Orange Defensive Coordinator Sitting In A Rocking Chair In The Corner Of My Bedroom

New Syracuse Defensive Coordinator Scott Shafer may or may not be the freakiest looking dude I have seen in a few years? Those eyes go right through the middle of your chest and make you want to run up 5 flights of stairs and jump out a window.

His creepy persona is really starting to get to me and after hearing a few snippets of his press conference, it made me even more leery of Mr. Shafer

Scott Shafer: Rise and shine, Syracuse football. You're probably wondering where you are. I'll tell you where you might be. You might be in the room that you die in. Up until now, you've simply sat in the shadows watching other Syracuse football fans live out their lives. But what do voyeurs see when they look into the mirror? Now I see you as a strange mix of someone angry, yet apathetic. But mostly just pathetic. So are you going to watch yourself die here today, Orange fans, or do something about it?

Hello Bud Poliquin. You don't know me, but I know you. I want to play a game. Here's what happens if you lose. The device you are wearing is hooked into your upper and lower jaw. When the timer in the back goes off, your mouth will be permanently ripped open. Think of it like a reverse bear trap or a strange set of a spread offense. Here, I'll show you. There is only one coach to open the device. It's in the stomach of your dead radio friend Manchild. Look around Bud. Know that I'm not lying. Better hurry up. Live or die, make your choice.

Hello, Coach Boeheim. You are a perfectly healthy, sane and middle-class male yet last month your team lost to Cleveland State. Did your team lose because you truly wanted to die or did you just want some attention? Tonight, you'll show me. The irony is that if you want to die you just have to stay where you are, but if you want to live, you'll have to lose tomorrow night to Depaul. Find the path through the razor-wire to the Dome but hurry. At 3:00 that door will lock and then, this room becomes your tomb. How much blood will you shed on Coach Boeheim court to stay alive?

Okay, now if you don't think this press conference is the creepiest thing you have ever heard, then head on over to Manchilds house at 2:00am on a friday night and you may be surprised.

The Game Of All Games That Are Games

Rudy: Do you know what I had for breakfast this morning rookie? How do you say... I had Sonny side up, und I had Sonny side down, und I had Sonny side all ze vay around.

Race Official: And now for the rules of the International, Chinese downhill: there are none.

From the Cinematic Classic: Hot Dog The Movie


The Giants’ first postseason game will be against a very familiar bunch of renegades – the Philadelphia Eagles.

The teams will meet at 1 p.m. next Sunday in Giants Stadium in an NFC Divisional Playoff Game. The sixth-seeded Eagles advanced to this epic showdown with today’s 26-14 victory over the Vikings in an NFC Wild Card Game in the Metro-sexual-dome. The top-seeded Giants took a week off and hit the clubs and macked on white women to make sure they are ready for the Eagles coming into town this weekend.

The Giants and Eagles each won on the other’s home field this season. In November the Giants earned a 36-31 victory in Philadelphia. The Eagles won in December in Jersey with a 20-14 victory. I will actually be in Philly this weekend watching it in enemy territory with some random Braud, or Dame of sorts.

Apparently Giants defensive end Justin Tuck got a hand job by one of the Eagles in a Quiznos bathroom!

I think the Eagles are the hottest team in the NFL right now! They may be the sixth seed, but they sure aren't playing like it. We know them well, which is a good thing, but they know us well, too. I'm glad this game is going to be at home because I know our fans will be into it. It's going to be the tough NFC East battle you'd expect, and we are really looking forward to it.

So, get your chinstraps strapped, play a little John Elway VCR Quarterback and get those beers chilled for this Big NFC East Battle at in New Jersey.

Mike Lupica Dislikes Everything, Even Sick Children

I have said it before. There is nothing I detest more than a bunch of Sports discerning heads sitting around is a safe round table bitching about a weeks worth of sports contests. It even makes me more wobbly when they end a bitch session with a poignant piece tying in societal drama and how it relates to Lebrons 35 point effort last week versus the Wizards. Yes, I am talking about ESPN's The Sports Reporters.

For me, Mike Lupica sums up this hot mess of television programming. His whiny, nauseating shrill of a voice and ever going bitch sessions on today's sports wrongdoings is about enough to make me turn the channel and watch Billy Mays sell me something. He has one of the doughtiest persona's on TV today and I have yet to meet someone who enjoys his feeble attempts to make watching him enjoyable.

His constant rants on people like Barry Bonds and Bill Belichick gets so tiresome and he consistently has this parched look at everything that doesn't remind him of the 1950's and "The way it used to be."

His queasy verbiage has even provoked one blogger to start a website with a sole intent being to Stopping Mike Lupica. Whether or not we will all wake up and realize that these loud hacks like Lupica, Colin Cowherd, Jim Rome, Woody Paige, Skip Bayless, Stephen A. Smith, Jay Mariotti and so on.
I don't listen to Sports Talk Radio, watch opinion pieces like The Sports Reporters or Around the Horn. I watch Sports and realize it's a simple battle between rivals and athletes that doesn't need to be critiqued and broken down at every turn. These sports Blowhards are generally the type of guys that would have been picked last playing gym softball back in High school. They are the first to blast an athlete when one gets arrested and then they disappear after one has righted the wrong.

Mike Lupica has even bagged on our very own Mel Kiper, who is currently counting the Top Ten Frozen Pizzas of All Time. Kiper has some beef with Lupica during his early years as a Draft douche Expert at ESPN.

I remember even our own Mike Lupica, he would rip the draft on The Sports Reporters half an hour before we went on the air. Rip me personally and rip the draft. I don't hear that anymore. It's amazing how many people had negative feelings on the draft that all of a sudden now are shutting up about it, because they figure, 'I can't criticize something everybody loves and has an interest in.' Because the ratings speak for themselves. The negativity that we had to deal with all those years is pretty much over.

Although, I might have to agree with Lupica here in the fact that watching the NFL draft is like watching someone put up drywall. Lupica's a verbal bully. He will always get the last word even if he has to shout over everyone else to get it. He has no other realm of creativity than talking loud over someone's shoulder. Whether it is his Lipitor kicking in or his Napolean complex, Mike Lupica has been fulminating more than ever as of late and will continue to break glass with his Junior Highesqe rants on the Today's sports topics.

Happy New Year....Let Your Girlfriend/Wife Make Out With Andy Rautins

Before I write about Sir Andy, I just had sort of a medical question for everyone. I have been noticing my one eye has been changing color. No big deal right? I went to the Doctor and he said that it's a sign that I am a twin. Here is where it gets weird, I have no twin!

I spoke to my father and found out that I had a brother that died in the womb. I feel that I am being haunted by a little boy with crazy, scary eyes. Ironically I keep seeing a commercial on television with a girl that is having the same issue. Hmmmm?

Now, would I let my girlfriend kiss Andy Rautins? Maybe.

I didn't have a chance to hop on the Live Chat with The Idiots since I was in a theatre watching The Curious Life Of Benjamin Button, which is this generations Forest Gump, in a good way.

Rautins, who tied an Orange record with nine 3-pointers and scored a career-high 29 points in the Orange's previous game against Coppin State, was also 7-for-10 last night and finished with 26 points. Andy Rautins is the greatest basketball player in the entire world.

What are some of my favorite wrestlers from the 80's saying about Andy?

Ohhh yeah, diggin it Andy! ~ Randy Savage

Andy Rautins wouldn't win a body building contest for best abs, MacMahon, he'd win for most asinine hair. ~ Jesse Ventura

Take a one way trip down to Larry Land Andy! ~ Larry Zybisco

You can see the life LITERALLY oozing from the bodies of Seton Hall Players ~ Gorilla Monsoon

I look real good and feel even better, Andy can make a burlap sack look like a cashmere sweater. ~ Ravishing" Rick Rude

Have a Great New Years everyone!

Anyone Know Where I Can Buy A Flux Capacitor? I'm Going Back To High School

Marty McFly: Doc, you don't just walk into a store and-and buy plutonium. Did you rip that off?

Dr. Emmett Brown: Shhhhhh. Of course. From a group of Libyan nationalists. They wanted me to build them a bomb, so I took their plutonium and in turn, gave them a shiny bomb-casing full of used pinball machine parts! Come on! Let's get you a radiation suit. We must prepare to reload.

Okay, I really do wish I could live my high school years again. Back in the day (early 90's) we never had these young hot, fresh out of college teachers that were still trying to get their groove on.

Well, here is another one~

Via: (LA Times)

Tustin High School athletic trainer arrested on sex charges

An athletic trainer at Tustin High School has been arrested on suspicion of engaging in unlawful sex acts with a student at the school, an Orange County sheriff's spokesman said Wednesday.

Hope Jacoby, 23, who has worked with athletes at the school for the last year, was arrested last week on suspicion of oral copulation of a minor and unlawful sex with a minor, said Sheriff's Department spokesman Jim Amormino.

Sheriff's deputies were informed of the unlawful acts by someone who saw a text message photograph, Amormino said. The boy was between 14 and 17 years old.

Jacoby, who lives in San Juan Capistrano, was jailed in lieu of $100,000 bail, Amormino said. Investigators believe there may have been other victims, he said.

Sheriff's officials arrested Jacoby because she abused a "position of trust," Amormino said. "Even though the age gap may be fairly close, it's still illegal and we will arrest," he said.

The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour~Coppin State Comedy Zone With The Iron Sheik

What if Jim Boeheim did comedy during the off season or random Wednesday nights at your favorite local Comedy Club. Think Jimbo isn't a funny guy? Well, we would like to think he could hold his own for 20 or so minutes on the Big Stage.

If this style connoisseur had the gall to get on stage we think he could throw down with the big boys... So, take a break from your basketball drills and basketball plays and enjoy a few hilarious Boeheim Rhapsody's...

This week Jimmy B showcases his comic prowess with opening Act, The "Zany Sunni" From Tehran,Iran.......The Iron Sheik
















Coach Boeheim: We got great shots for Andy. If he gets those kind of looks, and one of his problems in shooting is that he hasn't been getting those shots. He has been getting contested shots, off balance shots. When we can get him those kind of shots, he is going to make those shots.

Iron Sheik: Fuck Brian Blair. We got great fucking shots for Andy. If he gets those kind of looks back in Iran, and one of his problems in shooting is that he hasn't been getting those shots, fuuuuck Jesus. He has been getting many contested shots, off balance shots and I would put him in Camel Clutch. When we can get him those kind of shots, he is going to make those shots, Christ you.

Jim Boeheim: Well, they were worried about our inside guys. They can't stop us inside. Every time we got it inside, we scored. Arinze is 6 out of 8, Paul is 6 out of 8, and Ricky is 5 out of 7. They are playing a zone, they have got to go back in there. We were pretty good at looking in there but still looking back out, finding Andy. He gets that many good looks, I think he is a 50% shooter if he gets those kind of looks from the three. They just couldn't do anything with our big guys inside. We couldn't do anything with their guard. We weren't helping Jonny on the screens. He is a really good player. He is one of the better point guards that I have seen. He had 31, 9 rebounds, 5 assists. He is a really good player.

Iron Sheik: Im going to suplex you and then do the camel clutch and then break your back, fuck you in the ass, and make you humble. You are worse then Michael Jackson. You ask me excellent excellent question. I never respect gay I never respect faggot. They just couldn't do anything with our big guys inside, so fuck them gays. We couldn't do anything with their guard. We weren't helping Jonny on the screens and I should bring them back To Iran to show them real torture. He is a really good player. He is one of the better point guards that I have seen. He had 31, 9 rebounds, 5 assists and shots to the solarplexis.

Coach Boeheim: Andy is not going to get those shots. The only time he is going to get those shots is when he is warming up. He is never going to get those shots he got tonight. Ever. Period.

Iron Sheik: When I lose World Title to Hogan at Madison Square Garden I vow Sheik will return with vengeance. I don't care if Andy makes those shots. Fuck Brian Blair, that asshole sucker. I am Iron Sheik. (cough, cough)


The Iron Sheik at his finest...

New Dome Entrance Jams for 2009...The Top Five Entries

As everyone anticipates the new season sans Greg Robinson as Head Coach of The Syracuse University Orange, I thought maybe we could also change some of the entrance music when the team promenades into the Big White Top.

If I had my choice, this would be my Top Five~

5~Loverboy-Loving Every Minute Of It




Why It Works

It's fucking Loverboy and everyone loves Loverboy. Woot Canada. Woot Spandex. Woot All things wristbands/headbands.

Why it doesn't work

It's Loverboy

4~Danger Danger-Naughty, Naughty



Why It Works

What's wrong with getting a little Dirty, Dirty, Naughty, Naughty at the Dome? This might get a few college ladies to flash and show some boobage to pep up the Good Ole Orange faithful. Imagine a Dome filled Air Guitar session with Upstate New York's finest celebrating a win over Buffalo? Are you ready to rock Syracuse? I have been all over the country and nobody rocks like Syracuse NY!

Why It Doesn't Work

Umm, first of all it is Danger Danger. This band didn't crack the Top Twenty with this song and they got booted off the 1987 Winger tour for sucking really bad.

3~Single Ladies-Beyonce



Why It Works

Beyonce knows how to get a crowd bumping. All the single ladies would rise up in the Dome and all the single, chubby, drunk men would be able to sport the prey and move in on the targets. It really is a Win Win for everyone.

Why It Doesn't Work

It really does work. Trust me.

2~Asia-Sole Survivor



Why It Works

I will figure out why this would work. I am not sure right now after listening to this a few times. It could potentially create an awkward situation in the Dome and it is not very "Hip" in today's youth culture. Asia was your smart cousin that went to MIT, favorite band. These guys got laid because of their skill sets and those funky bass lines and transitions because they are studio musicians.

Why It Doesn't Work

You know how I know you're gay? You like Asia (See the Movie: 40 Year Old Virgin)

1~Vanilla Ice-Ninja Rap



Why It Works

Ninjas always kick ass. If our team could come out onto the field with a Ninja mindset, nobody could stop the Orange wave of destruction.

Why It wouldn't work

Go Ninja, Go Ninja, Go. That's why

TheSportHump and Keith Hernandez Wish You And Yours, A Merry Christmas

I sit atop your Christmas tree,
All clad in pink, a real fairy.
The reason I appear to smirk,
The sprig of spruce stuck up my skirt with a six-pack of Piels.

There was an old fellow named Claus
With a case of the mid-winter blahs.
Taught his reindeer to fly
So they took to the sky with a 40 oz of St. Ides.

Now I've tried all the normal approaches by drinking Busch Light
All the pick-ups an' chat-ups an' stuff
Tried mi hand at so-phistication
Wi' some girls who were nowt if not rough

Christmas may be cancelled, so I grew out my stache.
The reindeer are on strike
Santa's stuck in Lapland
Forget your brand new bike

It's Christmas time, and attention goes
To the funny guy with his ho, ho, ho's.
Yes, we all know the reindeer story
And hear the tales of Santa's glory.

And the Yankees just signed Mark Teixeira. God Bless

TheSportHump Is Officially San Francisco 49ers Mustache Fans

49ers Growing Mustaches


In a tribute to the facial fuzz that was, members of the San Francisco 49ers are growing mustaches for Sunday's season finale against the Washington Redskins.

The Niners will be wearing their throwback uniforms on Sunday, and members of the team have been inspired by photos of the team's greats -- many of them sporting facial hair -- displayed at the team's facility in Santa Clara, Calif.

The offensive line initiated the effort, and quarterback Shaun Hill has joined in.

"Today is Mustache Monday," Hill said of the effort, according to the San Francisco Chronicle. "It's for the throwback game. Every day we go to meetings and we go by these beautiful pictures and we admire these guys' mustaches."

According to the report, the team's facial hair gallery of greatness includes Kevin Fagan, Mel Phillips, Roger Craig, Ray Wersching, Keith Fahnhorst, Jerry Rice, Jimmy Johnson, the late John Ayers and Randy Cross.

Continue Reading Here....

Asbolutely Amazing!

Please Take Time To Meet Ernie Brown Jr.

Kentucky's Famous Turtle Catcher - Watch more Free Videos

Ernie Brown Jr. is by far, Kentucky's most famous turtle catcher. The number two turtle catcher, Tye Bumley isn't even close to Ernie. Check out his skills in the video and how he is able to talk to the camera and spot those "Turts" out of the corner of his eye. Brilliant.

During his off days Ernie enjoys drinking moonshine and watching Dirt Track racing down at Old Ned's track behind the Dixie Land Motor Inn. He sometimes is able to fish over at his cousin Bobby's when his wife isn't there to make him skin those coons that she eventually turns into doormats.

Well, Ernie is one gentlemen that I wouldn't want to cross while I am trolling around in shallow water down in Kentucky.

Countin Them Down....The Top Ten Frozen Pizzas With Mel Kiper

Nobody on Television is more annoying than Mel Kiper. He is a guy ranting about football that never played the game at any level. Frozen pizza is the ultimate Speed Supper and when you're broke, or lazy, you can always depend on that cardboard frozen thingy in your freezer to fill your belly while watching your favorite team.

So, in the words of Mel Kiper, here is Number 10 of TheSportHump Top Ten Frozen Pizzas.

Number 7~American Flatbread Tomato Sauce And Three Cheese

Coming in at Number 7 on our Top Ten is a real performer. None of the testers could believe this pizza came from the freezer. I like what I ate when I first bit into this pie. Partially baked in a wood-fired oven, it has an “enticing garlicky aroma,” an “artisan look,” a “perfectly crisp crust,” and an “amazing real-cheese and fresh-herb taste” that had many tasters asking for seconds.

When you talk about this pick, I really like the hand-made Flatbreads with the homemade organic tomato sauce fresh from the wood-fired cauldron, organic and locally grown in-season produce, and a variety of fresh sea foods, locally raised chicken or house-made sausage.

The Top Ten~

10-Tombstone Pepperoni
9~Stouffers French Bread Deluxe
8~Red Baron Sausage
7~American Flatbread Tomato Sauce Three Cheese

Apparently Andy Kennedy Didn't Realize We Were Living In Post 9/11

Whether or not Andy Kennedy just arrived in 2008 via Delorean or transporter, he didn't realize the name Bin Laden was perched with the "Whole Terrorism thingy".

Police arrested Mississippi men's basketball coach Andy Kennedy early Thursday after a cab driver said the coach punched him while calling him "bin Laden" and other racial insults.

A pretrial hearing has been set for Jan. 16. Kennedy was charged with a first-degree misdemeanor count of assault, which would carry a maximum sentence of six months in jail if he is convicted.

Kennedy stated,

I didn't realize someone calling a guy Bin Laden mean't I was making a racial slant. I call my guys Pol Pot's all the time and I don't think they are Khmer Rouge leaders. It's just crazy when you call someone a name and they immediately think you're a racist hick. Who hasn't punched a cabbie in his/her life. Seriously, If I had a nickel.

I just want to get back to coaching basketball and put this whole incident behind me. All the people at the University know that I am no longer affiliated with the Klan or any white power organizations since early 2003. It's not like I am being a Jew or something.

The man Kennedy Allegedly punched, Jiddou, a 25-year-old native of the northwest Africa country of Mauritania, told reporters that the altercation broke out after Kennedy hailed him and then asked him to pick up his friends. When four other people tried to get in, Jiddou said, he told them he couldn't take that many because he only had four seat belts.

Jiddou said Kennedy then began yelling, cussing him and calling him "bin Laden, Saddam Hussein," and hit him in the face. Police said the left side of Jiddou's face was swollen; at his northern Kentucky home more than 12 hours later, he had no apparent injuries and said he wasn't hurt physically but was upset to be compared to the terrorist leader.

A friend of Jiddou explains what happens here~

Jim Rome and Jay Glazer Trade Blows Over Goatee Relevance

The two biggest Goatee's in the business have finally collided. The two furry bloviators had an altercation at an Applebees in Walnut, California last week during a meeting only described by restaurant patrons as, Amazing. Brilliant. Unbelievable.

Rome was dining with a couple friends when Jay Glazer approached the table. Witnesses stated that Jay rubbed his lower stache and pointed to Rome and stated that he should Stop by my jungle outside.

Apparently the Applebee's Manager stepped in to break up the altercation when Rome preceded to ask for the check and push Glazer out of the way and state how he stole his goutee and that he is a hack. Glazer then grabbed Rome's fur and yanked a piece and threw it at him and stated that he should Come hard, or don't come at all.

When police arrived at Applebees on Newport Boulevard they also asked Rome to leave. But Rome, who lives nearby, became agitated and began jumping up and down, hitting his head against the ceiling, a waitress said.

After Rome declined a cab ride and refused to find someone sober to drive him home, police said, officers had no choice but to take him into custody and lay the smackdown.

Marty Ortegon, a waitress at Applebees, said Rome is a regular at the restaurant and “never gives anybody any trouble.”

Ortegon, who witnessed the altercation, said the incident began when Rome was verbally harassed about his goutee from Glazer.

Restaurant franchisee Ralph Furra said he believed that Glazer was insulting Rome. When the flamboyant radio personality responded, his companion allegedly grabbed Rome, Furra said.

Rome then reportedly slapped the Glazer, police said.

Rome was booked into the Newport Beach City Jail on suspicion of being a douche in a public place, a misdemeanor, and was released on his own recognizance about 3 a.m.

Goatee 101

















Goatees need to be cultivated, not ignored, for a successful effect. Don’t just let your facial hair go untamed and think that your goatee is an end result. Even knowing how to grow a goatee sometimes isn’t enough. Some men may be unable to grow one. It’s the first few days after you stop shaving that will really determine if you can grow it and also if it will suit you. After a few days of facial hair growth, you’ll have a much better idea about the type you want—if it suits you after all.

Avoid the temptation to grow a little extra stubble. While it’s good on its own, when it’s next to a goatee, it just looks messy. For weekly upkeep, it’s best to find a professional in your area to keep you looking sharp.

To shape your goatee, keep in mind that the outer edges should never extend past the smile lines of your face. Avant garde goatees are, well, rather disconcerting, so aim for symmetry. Make clean corners at the jawline. Try a trimming tool to keep everything neat, usually from 3/8ths to 3/16ths. Remember to move the razors or clippers every which way—hair grows in every direction and you want to catch all of the strays. If you’re going after loose stubble, try a Wahl’s Groomsman XL.

Finishing Touches

Now you’ve got the style, but perhaps you’re not completely convinced with your density or overall look. If your goatee is a bit sparse but the look suits you, there are some techniques to try, but the bad news is that there’s no way to make your goatee grow thicker. Hair density is genetic, but there are some hair products will help your goatee look full, such as a tiny dab of American Crew Thickening Lotion or Oomf Booster by Fudge.

Perhaps you’ve also heard that shaving your goatee more regularly will result in thicker hair. Wondering if it’s true? Sadly, not quite, but this could help: hair doesn’t grow in denser, but it could grow in coarser, which is a plus for thinner goatees.

The Nascar Elite Doesn't Like John Legend

If you know a "shortcut" to Talledega, you probably don't listen to Kanye West. NASCAR has recently settled a $225 million lawsuit filed by a former official who said she was subjected to racial discrimination and sexual harassment during her two-plus years working for the stock car organization.

Those Good Ole' Boys.

She said she was referred to as "Nappy Headed Mo" and "Queen Sheba," by co-workers, was often told she worked on "colored people time," and was frightened by one official who routinely made Ku Klux Klan references.

Uh-oh

Apparently a guy named Lugnut who currently has a house that spells out NASCAR in Christmas lights and has continually written Richard Petty's name on a Presidential ballot the last 16 years, was a little perturbed by this lady working for the "Organization".











Whether or not Lugnut thinks of baby Jesus as a mischievous badger is unknown. I am sure he wanted to go after her like a spider monkey and make sure her caboose doesn't get a little loose in turn two. Nascar holds end of the year banquet in New York. Other than the fact that a lot of sponsors are located there, there is no reason whatsoever to celebrate the season in a city where an attempt to build a track was corrupted by the Mafia and a boycott of Ford Trucks. A Walmart parking lot in Charlotte would make more sense than the Waldorf Astoria in a city where nobody cares.

I'm happy that Waffle House was okay with me coming here to talk to y'all about my day-to-day. And, y'all, that's pretty much, in a shell what it's like to manage a Waffle House. Ma'am, I don't know what else you want me to say to them. And I'm also gonna need to know where your commode's at.

I know the majority of Nascar fans don't lynch black people, dress in Dixie Outfitters and shoot people dead on their lawn. I also know that most don't have intolerant attitudes or drive shitty, beat-up pickup trucks. I think?

I do know that Nascar is the only sport in the world that can completely empty out a Wal-Mart store of all kindred folk on every weekend. I will often venture over there during the Daytona 500 to feel free from the trudge that usually rampant the store. Interesting enough, Walmart is a store where you can buy a shot gun, ammunition, ski mask, A large sharp knife and chainsaw. But, you cannot buy a CD that has a "Parental Advisory" sticker. Interesting.

Also, if you don't like Nascar you don't like America.

So, you can GIT OUT!

Never forget

TheSportHump On The Road....Bahston

Poncho made his way to Boston this week to bake Bobka, Apple Strudel, Challah and French Baguettes. It was literally a fuhckin Pissah.

I had the opportunity to watch the Cleveland State debacle from the Local in Saratoga Springs with partner in Crime Lou Score. Bleech. One of Lou's buddies opened it up last year and they have stupendous food and magnanimous selections of local brews and wines...

I had another opportunity to check out the Canisius game out here in Boston at a Vietnamese restaurant in Medford. Drank some fine wine and had some FO soup. Again, Delicious and dignified. Syracuse won this time. So, should I drink beer and eat meatloaf or switch to FO Soup and Chiraz to watch Syracuse on the road...Hmmmm?

Has anyone thought about trying a Christy Lane Christmas this year? Well, if not I think you should reconsider.

You know, her voice has captured the world.

She believes in Angels.

She banged lee Greenwood behind a Fuddruckers 20 years ago.

She is Christy Lane.

I've gone limp, as Yankees may 'go hard' after Manny.

Ok.. well, I may have had a drink or eight as I am writing this, but I cannot wait for the morning delivery of disappointing reality and sobriety, before voicing the overwhelming opinion of Yankee fans (yeah, I know Poncho is a mark, but he'll owe me his vote when my hook up for him in electric blondie-land pulls through). If the fine young cannibals, aka Hank & Hal Steinbrenner, are going to make all of my heckling efforts from last year worthless (see previously posted articles & video from expensive seats that I had to throw on my credit card).. well, that's bullshit & I want a refund! Manny's a douche. No getting around it. We all know that the Red Sux are a 'nation' full of (base) ballsuckers.. so, when boston management consulted the team as to whether they should ship his lazy ass off to L.A., and they said, "smell ya' later, on somebody else's finger", the Steinbrenner's should have taken the cue.

(Btw- listening to the B-Boys 'Check Your Head' album is lots o' fun when boozin')

Well, I need to get some shut-eye.. It's late. I've been working all day & all night. (somebody has to give some effort to turn this economy around) So, I finish with this...

I've personally heckled Manny in Yankee Stadium, and pissed him off enough that he gave me the evil eye, while causing Lowell to turn & laugh. While sitting in Fenway Park, I watched his lazy ass take a slow jog over to grab a blooper hit over his head.. by a Yankee.. should've been a single base hit.. which turned into a hussle-double because the loser in left field just didn't care. I loved it. The Yankees gained an extra base, even though they didn't really earn it. So.. I don't want to see red sux penis-tasters gain the satisfaction of laughing at us for paying top dollar for the headache they voted, as a team, to get rid of.

Be smart Hank & Hal... Like any good New Yorker, I hate Texas, but Teixeira is money! And, Manny is a prima donna..

The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour~Cleveland State Funnybone

What if Jim Boeheim did comedy during the off season or random Wednesday nights at your favorite local Comedy Club. Think Jimbo isn't a funny guy? Well, we would like to think he could hold his own for 20 or so minutes on the Big Stage.

If this style connoisseur had the gall to get on stage we think he could throw down with the big boys... So, take a break from your basketball drills and basketball plays and enjoy a few hilarious Boeheim Rhapsody's...

This week, Boeheim is at his Zany and Wacky best at the Cleveland Funnybone alongside the hilarious Ultimate Warrior. Enjoy Idiots~










Coach Boeheim: You can't put yourself in these holes and expect to come out of them. That's just the way it is. We either start playing better early, or we're going to have a very difficult time. That's the bottom line. We made great shots and great plays to get back in this, forced a turnover at the end. You can't put yourself in that position. We've been making too many turnovers. We had 16 again tonight. You cannot win against good competition, and Cleveland State is a very good basketball team. You cannot win when you put yourself in that position early in the game.

Ultimate Warrior: I was sent in a capsule from a place long from here and I came here for one reason: to attack and keep coming.We fell into a hole early,not to ask but just to give. Not to want but just to send...send the power of the Warrior down everybody's throat in the Carrier Dome till they become sick of it. Well you're gonna get sick of it because this freak of nature right here is just beginning to swell. And when I get big enough, brother, there ain't gonna be room for anybody else but me and all the Orange Warriors floating through the veins, and the power of the Warriah~!

Coach Boeheim: We had a bigger lineup in there for a lot of the first half and we just didn't go and get it. I don't think the effort was there. I don't think we went after the loose balls. I just don't think we did. We shot the ball well, and they are a good defensive team. We scored enough points. We are just not playing well. We are just not getting loose balls, we are not getting rebounds. We started out the game missing three layups, and if you do that against good teams you get them in position to think they can win.

The Ultimate Warrior: In my final meeting with the gods from the heavens above, as they spoke to me and hit me with the power of the Ultimate Warrior, they told me 'Exit stage left! Exit stage right! There is no place to run; all the fuses in the exit signs have been burned out! We shot the ball well and they are a good defensive team from the hells beneath us. Full of the juice to carry the spaceship as far as it wants to go!

Coach Boeheim: They are going to have a chance to win and tonight that's what happened. We've got to play better. Period. Bottom line. I don't think we can beat a team in our league they way we're playing right now. I don't believe we can. A 6-4 guy took our center and scored four straight baskets in the low post.

The Ultimate Warrior: How must I prepare you must ask yourself. Should I jump off the tallest building in the world? Can we beat one of the beasts in our league right now? Not without the intensity in the low post. Should I lay on the lawn and let it run over me with lawnmowers? Should I go to Africa and let it trample me with raging elephants?

Countin Them Down....The Top Ten Frozen Pizzas With Mel Kiper

Nobody on Television is more annoying than Mel Kiper. He is a guy ranting about football that never played the game at any level. Frozen pizza is the ultimate Speed Supper and when you're broke, or lazy, you can always depend on that cardboard frozen thingy in your freezer to fill your belly while watching your favorite team.

So, in the words of Mel Kiper, here is Number 10 of TheSportHump Top Ten Frozen Pizzas.

Number 8~Red Baron Sausage Pizza

This Eight pick has been all over the board, I had the Red Baron Sausage in my Top Five at one point. When you talk about toppings, Red Baron is off the charts. Experience the classic taste that made Red Baron pizzas famous. The pizza begin with crusts made from only the finest ingredients. Each one is then topped off with combinations of the freshest vegetables and meats, flavorful cheese and delicious spices. The result is legendary.

When you talk about a durable, consistent piece of pizza, Red Baron Sausage is your pie. A superior crust flavor and texture that is tender on the inside and crispy on the bottom. Each pizza is topped with combinations of the freshest vegetables and
meats, flavorful cheeses and delicious spices. The result is pure RED BARON quality.

The Top Ten~

10-Tombstone Pepperoni
9~Stouffers French Bread Deluxe

The Jim Boeheim Comedy Hour~Long Beach Comedy Works

What if Jim Boeheim did comedy during the off season or random Wednesday nights at your favorite local Comedy Club. Think Jimbo isn't a funny guy? Well, we would like to think he could hold his own for 20 or so minutes on the Big Stage.

If this style connoisseur had the gall to get on stage we think he could throw down with the big boys... So, take a break from your basketball drills and basketball plays and enjoy a few hilarious Boeheim Rhapsody's...

This week, we will again translate the Lyrical genius of Coach Boeheim through former WWF, NWA, WCW and AWA Heavyweight Champion The Nature Boy Ric Flair.



Coach Boeheim: Our shooting was off in the first half, in the second half our offense got a little bit smoother since we got the ball into AO better. Defensively we need to set screens better, but they missed some open shots so that helped us out. The had a bad shooting night, which made our defense look better.

The Nature Boy: Whoooooooooh! Our shooting was off in the first half, in the second half our offense got a little bit smoother since we got the ball into AO better. He then began high profiling, styling and to Johnny Be Bad into the game...Whoooooh! Let me tell you Poncho,defensively we need to set screens better, but they missed some open shots so that helped us out. But, when you're the best of the best and live on the largest house in the best neighborhood, none of that matters. They had a bad shooting night, which made our defense look better. But nobody looks better than the Nature Boy!

Coach Boeheim: In the second half we made them take some tough shots. We didn't do that in the first half and lucky they had an off night. I thought in the first half Kristoph gave us some inside presence and helped freeing up AO and Rick Jackson. We need to be a bit more consistent on the boards though.

The Nature Boy: When your drinking the finest Wines and driving up to restaurants in the Big Ole Lincoln Continental, everyone around the block knows who the baddest man in town is. In the second half we made them take some tough shots. We didn't do that in the first half and lucky they had an off night, but sometimes The Nature Boy likes to get his beauty rest. The Nature Boy thought in the first half Kristoph gave us some inside presence and helped freeing up AO and Rick Jackson. We need to be a bit more consistent on the boards though, if I am not 19 time World Heavyweight Champion.............Of The World! Whooooooh!

Coach Boeheim: I haven't seen a lot of Cleveland State. I know Butler had to make a last second shot to remain undefeated. The coach is a great coach and has that team playing very well. At this stage of the year we need to make sure we are playing well and come to play each and every game.

The Nature Boy: I haven't seen a lot of Cleveland State, but I know one thing. Cleveland, Ohio has 100's of ladies that love The Nature Boy.....Whooooh! I know Butler had to make a last second shot to remain undefeated and drink the Bubbly baby. Let me tell you Larry, the coach is a great coach and has that team playing very well and reminds me of my styling partner, Tully Blanchard at Starcade 5. At this stage of the year we need to make sure we are playing well and come to play each and every game to be able to strut around the ring as the Victor. Whooooh!

Additional thoughts from The Nature Boy~

Space Mountain may be the oldest ride in the park, but it has the longest line. Do you get what I am talking about ladies...C'mon and ride the Orange wave right about now.

Paul Harris is a limousine ridin', jet flyin', kiss stealin', wheelin' dealin' son of a gun. Woooh!

Girls, you can't be first, but you can be next.