5 Things Super-Happy Couples Do Every Day

Based on an article from Redbook Magazine:

Daily Habit #1: Talk to Each Other

As said in a previous post, communication is the key to any happy relationship. If things are never discussed, things will never be settled. Some couples feel that they just have to make time to discuss serious issues, but even the trivial day-to-day conversation is important. Ask your loved one, "How was your day?" or "What was the best / worst part of your day?" Keep up the communication, and your friendship will sustain your relationship in the long run.

Daily Habit #2: Flirt
Sometimes you don't have time for sex, but you always have time to flirt. How long does a little note scribbled on a Post-It note take? Or a pat on the bottom as your loved one leaves the room? Or a little sexual innuendo thrown into an otherwise boring discussion? Flirting is easy -- and lots of fun! It reminds you of how your relationship started in the first place.

Daily Habit #3: Get Stupid Together
Go play in the toy department. Sing out loud to your favorite song when it comes on in the car. Have a water fight when you're doing the dishes. Have a silly face contest. It's such a turn-on to be playful and stupid with someone! Revel in the comfort that he loves you when you're the real you, and not necessarily on your best behavior.

Daily Habit #4: Declare Your Independence
Don't forget those friends you had when you were single. Keep going to those Girls' Nights Out, continue your own individual hobbies and interests, and call your friends regularly. Don't lose yourself in your mate. Not only is it a major turn-off, but it will make you forget who you were before the relationship started. And remember, he fell for you when you were on your own and doing your own thing. So it's the surest way to keep him interested.

Daily Habit #5: Share a Spiritual Moment
No matter what your spiritual or religious beliefs are, sharing such an intimate part of you can strengthen the bond you have with your mate. "75 percent of the Americans who pray with their spouses reported that their marriages are "very happy" (compared to 57 percent of those who don't)." Who can argue with those odds? When you're praying for each other as a unit, not just for yourself or your own needs, you're focused together on creating a team with the same goals and desires. As bad as any problem may seem at that moment, prayer always focuses on the fact that there is something bigger, more important force out there. It puts things in perspective. Marriage is based on some sort of faith: faith that somehow the two of you are going to make it through things, the belief that the two of you belong together. And that's what keeps a marriage thriving.

Attractive Girls Union

Fellow members! Here's an update on the negotiations with Mike Greenman:

Can anyone else relate to their demands??

8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage

I weigh in on the WebMD feature from Redbook Magazine:

1. You will look at the person lying next to you and wonder, "Is this it? Forever?"
Ever wonder what happens after Cinderella and the Prince ride off in their golden carriage? That, my friends, is when reality hits. The fairy tale (ie. the wedding) is over, and your lives together begin. It's a lot like the day after Christmas: you've opened all the presents, eaten all the turkey, and now all you have is a full belly and wrapping paper all over the floor. Now what? Now it's time to talk about household chores, balancing the checkbook, and who's turn it is to take out the trash. All the nitty-gritty details are beckoning to be resolved, and as husband and wife, it's time to work these issues out. It's not all happily ever after. But stick it out: experts say the first year is the hardest.

2. You'll work harder than you ever imagined.
Marriage is work. Hard work. It's a great couple that just make it look easy. Good marriages are hard work because it's hard to communicate, it's hard to stay positive, and it's hard to compromise. But it's worth the hard work. And the harder you work and making your marriage great, the better your marriage will be.

3. You will sometimes go to bed mad (and maybe even wake up madder).
The old adage "Never go to bed angry" is nothing but bull$%&@. If Hubby and I never went to bed angry, there would be nights we would never go to bed. Life is not a sitcom -- you can't solve an argument in 30 minutes. There are some issues that need to be tabled for further discussion on another day. And sometimes a good night's sleep is all a couple needs to see things in a clearer light. When Hubby is tired, he gets cranky. And discussing things with him can be useless. Sometimes I'll go to bed mad and wake up thinking, "What was the big deal?" And sometimes I'll wake up madder. Either way, it shows how important the issue is, and the discussion can continue if necessary, when the time is right.

4. You will go without sex -- sometimes for a long time -- and that's okay.
With busy days and conflicting schedules, sometimes there just isn't time for sex. Or you've had such a horrible day that sex is the last thing on your mind. Don't get frustrated or discouraged. Just know that when the time is right, it'll happen. That's the great thing about marriage: you know you'll have sex eventually, and you know it'll be great. You don't have to stress about when, who, or how. Relax in the knowledge that your man loves you. And when you do get that time together, make the most of it.

5. Getting your way is usually not as important as finding a way to work together.
Just like child psychologists say to do with your kids, pick your battles. Try to work things out by figuring out the way to work together. Compromise is the savior of all marriages. Years from now, it won't be remembered who won or lost an argument, but how the problem was solved and how well you two work together in general.

6. A great marriage doesn't mean no conflict; it simply means a couple keeps trying to get it right.
As was said in a previous post, the key to a great marriage is an open line of communication. Plain and simple, a marriage fails when there are secrets and lies. Don't be afraid to discuss what matters to you, even if it might turn into a big fight. It's important that both of you fully understand each other. He cannot read your mind. And remember to fight fair -- how you fight is more important than what you are fighting about.

7. You'll realize that you can only change yourself.
I know that throughout this blog we have repeated over and over: you can't change a man. What you can change is the way you handle situations, and how you deal with conflict when it arises. Try to stay positive, and think of all the ways that you can improve your relationship: making him feel special and loved. Chances are, you'll be happy with the results.

8. As you face your fears and insecurities, you will find out what you're really made of.
Marriage is full of ups and downs, and everything you and your spouse endure together will make your relationship stronger. Just feel secure in the fact that you have someone there to experience your life with, and that you have a constant support system. You have someone on your side. And that will help you accomplish almost anything.

An Affair at Your Fingertips

I'm still in awe and disgust at what I came across on the internet today. While checking my email, an annoying little pop-up ad appeared on my screen: "Life is short. Have an affair." The ad went on to discuss all of the possibilities, from short term affairs, long-term affairs, or to a "cyber affair" or "erotic chat." How has society gotten this passive about cheating?

Wikipedia defines infidelity as "any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, and is a breach of faith in an inter-personal relationship." This would include anything that your partner finds off-limits in a relationship, including "cyber affairs" and erotic chat with another person. Anything that violates the other person's trust, or connects you emotionally with another person, is outright cheating. Why? Because your interest and your investment of emotions is centered elsewhere. You can't have a strong relationship without a full investment of your full self: body, mind, and spirit.

To actually look for an affair is truly despicable. When did people stop trying to make things work? The divorce rate is at an all-time high, and it seems that most examples of marriage we see in society (ie. celebrity marriages) end in separation within 5 years. Marriages these days seem purely disposable: it is much easier to get a divorce than it is to get married.

And how does cheating affect a marriage? Trust will always be an issue. And without trust, there is no commitment. Monogamy is based on promising to be with one and only one person for the rest of your life. Without this commitment, why do it at all? If you can't handle it, don't get married in the first place!

Oh, and if things don't work out, don't worry. This website has a guarantee. "The Affair Guarantee! Have an affair to remember, or we'll give you your money back!" Nice. But what happens to your marriage? Any guarantee on that? Any money given to you when that doesn't work out?

Hmm. I thought not.

We're Honored!

Thanks to Pixie at The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, we've been honored with a Kreativ Blogger Award! Thanks! But first I must share 6 Things I Enjoy:
1. Starbucks mochas
2. Blogging
3. Gossip
4. Period Movies
5. Talking on the phone
6. Game Shows

Then I must pass it on to 6 others:
1. Chevy @ A Single Scoop
2. The Girls @ No Sex & the City
3. RHG @ Reasonably Happy Gal
4. RJ True @ What a Girl's Got to Do
5. SO@24 @ Starting Over at 24
6. Coatman @ Celibacy and the Suburbs

Enjoy!

5 Biggest Excuses That Ruin Your Dating Life

By Dating coach David Wygant

Recently a reader posted a comment on my dating blog in which he questioned that I or anyone else could help him find a mate. He said he has tried "everything" to meet someone. He's tried pickup lines and routines. He's tried what some term "natural game." He said nothing has worked. Then he started listing some of the reasons why things aren't working for him in his dating life. What did every one of his "reasons" have in common? They were all excuses.

Worse yet, in his mind he perceives each of these to be unchangeable facts of life instead of seeing them for what they really are: excuses he's created so he doesn't have to face his dating difficulties.

So many people make these kinds of excuses in order to feel justified in not putting themselves "out there" in the dating world, or to avoid having to face that they need to work on their confidence or conversation skills. Here are five of the most common excuses people make about their dating lives, along with proactive ways to overcome those excuses.

1. I Am a Victim of Geography. I hear it every day from clients: "There are no good men (or women) to meet where I live." The fact is that where you live has nothing to do with you remaining single. It's your mindset and your belief system that are the problem, because there are great people to meet everywhere. I've worked with clients all over the world, and no matter where they reside I have always been able to show them how to meet people. You need to go out there with a better attitude.

2. I Attract All the Wrong Singles. The reason why you're attracting the wrong singles comes down to the way you go out and meet singles. Look at your life a little more deeply. Are you going to the same places over and over again and always meeting the same type of people? Are you not making yourself available so it's too much of a challenge for people to meet you? When you go out on dates, do you tend to talk more about negative things than positive things? Stop thinking about the people you are meeting and start thinking about how you're meeting them. In order to meet different people, you need to change your life immediately. The truth is that you have the power to do something about it.

3. I Don't Have Time for Dating. If you truly want to meet someone, you have to make time to do it. It's really that simple. Fifteen minutes a day devoted to going out there and meeting new people is all you need. Try setting goals for yourself, such as, "I'm going to talk to four new people today." Whatever your goal is, though, you need to make yourself reach it every day. Singles aren't just going to start approaching you. You've got to make it happen. I know you're busy. We're all busy. Just remember that this is your dating life, and only you can make your dating life happen for you.

4. I Can't Meet Anyone Until... My favorite one of these is the "as soon as" person. "As soon as I lose weight I'll go out and meet singles." There are a million other phrases that could be filled in here: as soon as I get back in the gym... as soon as I finish this big project at work... as soon as my kids get older. When you start using "as soon as" excuses, you become the person who truly believes that life is going to change the second you accomplish other things. Get rid of the mindset that you will somehow be magically ready to meet someone "as soon as" you accomplish something else. Life is not about scheduling things like this and putting them on a timetable. You've got to be open to meeting someone all the time.

5. Only Losers Do Online Dating. I hear many singles who have never tried online dating tell me, "I don't want to do online dating. Online dating is for losers." This is a ridiculous statement. There are millions upon millions of people who use online dating. A client of mine once said to me, "I don't want to put my picture on my online dating profile because someone I know might see it and then they'll know I'm doing online dating." Let's put aside the fact that if someone sees your online profile, it likely means they themselves are doing online dating. Here again, there is an attitude problem at work. If someone has seen you online, then if they see you in real life they can walk over to you and say, "Did I see you on Yahoo! Personals the other day? I didn't know you were single." You've got to tell people you're single and, more importantly, stop feeling like there is something wrong with being single. Going online is making an announcement to the world that "Yes, I'm single, I'm available, and I want to meet someone."

All five of these excuses have one thing in common: They are all manifested inside your mind so you can justify not having to try, and to make you feel better about your unsatisfying dating life. What all of you excuse-makers need to realize is that an amazing dating life is not just going to magically happen to you. Just with anything else you want to achieve in life, you've got to put work and effort into meeting people. Let me assure you that your doorbell is not going to ring one day and your perfect mate will be standing there with a bottle of wine and takeout saying, "I've been driving around the neighborhood for the last 15 years looking for your house and now I've finally found you!"

Maybe I Do Like Football Season...

I think I've found a better way to survive football season. I had recently found an old gift certificate to a local spa that a friend had given me for my birthday last year. So I decided to book a couple treatments for Sunday.

I spent the day at the spa relaxing in solitude, getting massaged from head to toe and even soaking in a nice warm bubble bath. Meanwhile The Dude spent the day watching football. Both of us were happy and relaxed at the end of the day, without any resentment for each other!

The day was such a success that The Dude and I are going to put aside some money to make this a regular thing: every other week or every third week, I'll go to the spa or the nail salon, he gets to watch football -- and we each get a day all to ourselves, doing something we love!

How NOT to Get the Guy: Single's Scene Version

1. Go to a bar with 5 of your friends and stay in the same place the entire night.

2. When talking to a guy, agree with everything he says even if it's a lie. If he says he loves rock climbing, tell him you've been doing it for years and know the difference between bouldering and top roping.

3. Wherever you are, whatever time of day it is, drink heavily.

4. Make sure to tell any guy you meet that you're looking for a serious relationship, you aren't in to playing games, and/or that your last boyfriend was a real jerk.

5. Whistle, whoop, and/or holler when a guy passes by. Then he'll know you're interested.

6. Volunteer your number to the bartender. He probably never gets hit on.

7. Openly mock and loudly embarrass any guy who attempts to talk to you that is 'beneath your status.' All the other guys in the place will be impressed by your fastidiousness.

8. Go home with a guy you just met.

Any others I missed?