... One Year Later

If anyone has ever checked in on this here old blog of mine in the past year they would have saw a couple post about me making music and asking for your support.

I have deleted those post and thus the last post is over a year old now.

Much has happened in the past year. None of it has helped my walk with the Lord. Most of it has helped me walk away. If you would like to pray about that I would appreciate it.

I have changed jobs and that had much to do with everything. I slowly started dropping the things I love the most. I quit going to night seminary. I couldn't accept my pastor paying for the classes anymore when I wasn't doing my part anymore at church and had become discontent completely with the church I attend (yes, I still go there, not often enough).

I stopped making music. I stopped reading my bible. I stopped praying.

As of this writing most of these things are still current.

I'm going to go over this blog and fix any broken links and whatnot.

I'm thinking maybe I'll start posting again. I'm thinking I miss the challenge of the study it takes to write the Deeper Truth. I know I miss being in the Word and have been picking it up lately, just picking it up, not opening it, yep, I suck.

I'm thinking I miss making music but I won't be trying to bring that into this blog anymore.

I looked over some of the writings here. The Lord really has blessed me hasn't He? I should do something more with it. That sorta seems to be a thing with me through out the writings here. A head full of Deeper Truth and me stumbling and bumbling through my life.

"Sometimes I feel I am lost in darkness. Sometimes I tarry a little too far behind my Shepherd.

He understands. He holds up, He whispers to His flock to remain still for a moment, while He turns to coax me back into the light." from Curious Servant's Art

Wonder if anyone will even know I wrote something .... One Year Later

Ecclesiastes 2:16-20

"For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool forever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool.
Therefore I hated life; because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all is vanity and vexation of spirit.
Yea, I hated all my labor which I had taken under the sun: because I should leave it unto the man that shall be after me.
And who knoweth whether he shall be a wise man or a fool? yet shall he have rule over all my labor wherein I have labored, and wherein I have showed myself wise under the sun. This is also vanity.
Therefore I went about to cause my heart to despair of all the labor which I took under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 2:16-20).

People often say that money can not buy happiness. You may not agree but it seems to me that the people who tell me that the most, have money. People without usually will add, "but I would like to try". I think Solomon was telling us as part of the over all message in Ecclesiastes that money does not bring happiness. I must confess as I believe I have done before that as I study Ecclesiastes I am always thinking, "but I would like to try".

Why though? Why would I like to try? Well, because I don't have faith like I thought I did. When faced with all the financial problems that I posted about recently I didn't turn to God. I sat down to write another Ecclesiastes post and read "Therefore I hated life; because the work that is wrought under the sun is grievous unto me: for all is vanity and vexation of spirit" (Ecclesiastes 2:17) and thought.....EXACTLY! Have you ever done that? I think it is something I have done numerous times and I have a feeling I will do it again. I suppose that is how God grows our faith.

Solomon does something in these verses I often see people with money do. They take all the credit. Do you suppose Solomon really did any of the labor? I think not. Do you suppose Solomon went out and told the workers that success was vanity and vexation of spirit? I bet he did.

Here's something you should never do if you own your own company. You should never ever complain about money to your employees. It makes them feel like their job is not good enough. It is even worse in Solomons case....... You should never complain about money while it is obvious that your doing well and your employees are struggling. This inspires bitter feelings.

Solomon was the richest man ever and to take the credit for their labor and say he wasn't happy with it while the labors saw how he prospered...... doesn't exactly inspire anyone to follow God and it obviously brought Solomon nothing but misery.

I see Christians today who have plenty but give nothing or if they do give, they give to some foreign country, charity, and/or anything other than those around them. I see Christians in charge of others who tell them to "tighten up" while they are buying new cars, trucks, motor homes, and taking trips. I bet Solomon told his labors to work harder and they looked at the life he was leading and thought .......why?

So money doesn't buy happiness, what then? Maybe it's the idea that it brings security. I certainly only saw nothing but doom in my recent financial trouble. I wanted the security that money brings. I wanted the peace the security would bring. Awwwww......but look at Solomon. Money and security did not bring peace. He broke fellowship with God and Ecclesiastes is the result. I broke fellowship with God and the previous few post are the results.

There is no peace outside Jesus. It's a lesson I must learn again and again. It's a lesson I offer to you to learn yet again. Without Jesus as my focus I see nothing but people prospering while I struggle. With Jesus as my focus I see nothing but Him. What else is there?

Ecclesiastes 2:16

"For there is no remembrance of the wise more than of the fool forever; seeing that which now is in the days to come shall all be forgotten. And how dieth the wise man? as the fool" (Ecclesiastes 2:16).

Today we had communion at church. It caused me to reflect, to prove myself, to examine, to reevaluate......it got me praying. I felt unworthy to take communion and thus I zoned out on the preaching and turned my attention to God and found that I have been floundering. Floundering has an interesting definition. It is, "To make clumsy attempts to move or regain one's balance. To move or act clumsily and in confusion". This is and has been me.

I wonder if Solomon was floundering when he wrote the above line. obviously he did not think it would be remembered. I wonder what I'm doing for God that will be remembered. I want to do something.

I decided today that I am a hot coal. I smolder and make a lot of smoke and every now and then I flame up but I'm finding that I can't seem to catch anything on fire. It's hard to smolder. I miss my seminary extension classes and can't wait for them to start up again but I'm drifting off topic.

There was a man who drove through the fields one day picking up teenagers who were doing their chores. He spotted a boy bailing hay and asked if he would like to join the others on his old flatbed truck and come to a revival. That boy accepted. We know him as Billy Graham. We don't remember the man driving the truck but I wonder if he was smoldering until the day God used him to catch Billy Graham on fire.

I hope that I can catch something on fire here. I hope I can make a difference. I hope that God will use me to put something here worthy of remembering and I hope it's not me getting in the way of starting a fire. I hope I am done floundering.

Between the Head and the Heart

I have often heard that "You can't just have head knowledge. You have to have Him in your heart".

Alright then, got that covered, next......is pretty much my thinking on that.......Until now.

My head explodes with all sorts of stuff. Do I believe it? Heck Ya!

Did I believe God could get us out of our financial difficulties? Did I believe He could calm the storm our household had become?

Yep, but did I believe He would? ......... Awwwwwwww........now I'm falling short.

I was talking with a person today and I was telling them what I'm about to tell all of you who for reasons beyond me frequent my rants and raves at this blog and actually seem to care about them! But I digress, as I was saying, I was talking to somebody today and I told them I felt like at any time God would simply draw a line in the sand and say, "That's it, I'm not taking care of you anymore, time to reap what you have sown your whole wasted life!".

I suppose that characterizes my walk with God. I don't ask for much since I don't think I deserve much. I'm always waiting for Him to punish me..... but He never has....... not really.....Certainly not what I deserve and continue to probably deserve.

So my world was all falling apart and I'm thinking, "This it it! Here comes a life time of devastation upon me. Time to reap what I have sown"........ and so as the deadline drew ever closer and things flew into a disarray at the home front here I do what I always do when I'm upset. I sat down and began to write. A whole bunch of you read that and began praying. I CAN NOT EVER THANK ALL OF YOU ENOUGH!

My dad who I have pretty much treated like a door mat my entire life decided that after his visit down here that something good has happened with my wife and I. He decided that she has made us a nice home. He thought she was happy and was doing a great job raising her kids that have come to live with us. He thought I was a "new person". He didn't think we deserved to lose everything because I was a royal mess up not so very long ago and so he gave us the loan........the day before the deadline.

I received a letter from the IRS today. They did indeed cease my income tax return. It was more than enough to pay them off and we are expecting a tidy return. Student loans are paid off and will not be garnishing my wages. The money that used to goto my ex is now going to my dad. Nobody is comming after me for anything anymore.

Did I believe God could do all these things? YES!

Did I believe He would? No..... I don't think I did........But He did it anyways........and as far as I can tell it's because I ranted and all of you prayed.

THANK YOU!

I think I'm going to start believe that God will bring my daughter back to me in 3 years when she turns 18.

I will try to get back to a regular posting schedule soon, resuming Ecclesiastes.