Because staying at home is overrated

I only just realised that my lack-of-blogging-of-late means that I haven't really prepared my loyal readers (yes, BOTH of you) for the idea that I'm about to go away again. Because it wasn't enough that we were in Egypt, or the UK, or in Switzerland, Italy, Slovenia and Croatia this year.

Thursday I fly out for two weeks in Japan where I expect to eat any number of strange wriggly things and abuse the eardrums of locals at karoake. Then it is on to Australia for three months.

THREE MONTHS!

Now some people may think this an overindulgence, but I ask you to consider: it is two years since I was last home; I have a year and a half old nephew whom I've never met and the next one is already due next week; my best friend has managed to get knocked up, pop a sprog and be almost out of maternity leave in the time I've been gone; houses have been sold and close family have established new relationships with people I've never met.

Plus if I have to live through another Berlin winter this year I'll go insane.

Three months is long enough that I can get to know everyone again rather than just whizzing in and having a meal together somewhere. It's long enough that I can restock my Australianness (and redevelop my accent to an extent that my husband no longer wishes to hear me speak). And it's long enough that I'll be ready to leave there and come back here again.

I need this. I desperately, desperately need this.

BRRRAAAIIINNNNNSSS

For a reason which made perfect sense of at the time but actually ends up translating into a "well it would be funny if you were there"-type episode, I just googled the phrase "what do french zombies say?".

You know, because there are a number of words for BRRAAIIINNSSS and saying MIIINNDDDS or SMMAAARRRTTTTSSS just doesn't have the same bloody, lurching, undead feel. So it was an important issue and one which I wanted to get right.

Surprisingly the first hit was for a site titled "How to say I am killing zombies in different languages translation". Not quite what I was after, but potentially useful, right? I mean if I end up becoming the Berlin Buffy then I need to be able to announce my intentions in the local language, don't I?

Unfortunately the site, howtosayin.com, seems to be automatically translated and even I can tell that the resulting phrase "Ich bin Tötung Zombies" has more than a few errors in it. So without a correct translation of this mightily important slogan I'm now going to be left either shouting it out in English as I whirl through the air, machete in hand, or risk facing German grammar unarmed. A more dangerous position to be in than you might think for German grammar has absolutely no sense of humour. And also large, pointy teeth.

However my concern for survival in the face of progressive pluperfect took a backseat when I noticed the box on the left side of the page with Popular Searches. Nestled amongst the top searches of I love you, my love, beautiful and thank you so much, were 'go to hell', 'i don't want to die alone' and 'do you have any nuclear warheads'.

Now while the first suggests tourists are just trying to get a drink in a foreign nightclub without being fondled, the second has more tragic associations and I can only assume that a large number of men are looking internationally for wives. Or nurses.

However the last is more worrying. If the translation accuracy is anything like killing zombies in German then I think we may have found the reason no one located those WMDs.

What should I do?

Can you tell my enthusiasm for blogging is currently on a low tide?

I'm not too worried. this has happened before: the last time I was in Australia I didn't blog for three months and with the next three month Australian trip on the doorstep, it's probably going to happen again.

But I would like to continue. I'm just not sure how. So what should I do with this blog, peoples? As a bit more information I've recently reserved aliented.com, so I have the chance to try something totally new there. Hmmm, any ideas?

Should it be a personal blog? An expat one? Should I start a web comic, with all of my famous inability to draw? Should I discuss procrastination, one of my strong suits?

So I'm stuck. What do I want to do with this... any suggestions?

I was there, holding the light

Just a quick post to show you the photos of the infamous Spree photo shoot with SuperCoolMatti. It was for the gay magazine Siegesaule and the photos are on the cover and pages 10-13. And the photo with the two chicks sitting in front of a window? That was the one on the dumped boat where the cops came and rapped our knuckles.

catching up.. and leaving again

Alright everyone, I know it's been a while. It's going to have to be a bit longer...

We're due to leave for Italy tomorrow. That's probably not going to happen - after a weekend witha large number of extended family here and tearing up the town, we haven't even started packing. Luckily we're travelling by Bulli which means we can leave whenever we want to...so it's probably going to be Wednesday now.

Then I'm gone for almost all of September - soaking up the Tuscan sun.

I'll probably twitter the trip. For those who don't know it, just go along here and you can read all that I'm up to in tiny bit-sized amounts. I've also put the twitter badge back up on this page (see? over there on the right?) so that you can follow me here directly.

Ahh, I have no energy right now. Packing to go away should be exciting but right now I just can't be bothered.

Sweaty, stinky and half deaf... ahhhh

I know you're all desperate to find out what my tweet meant the other day. For those who don't follow me, here it is:

Got caught on a shipwreck in berlin by the water police. knuckles are now rapped.

However you're all going to have to wait a bit longer because I want to just quickly mention that I had a FUCK'N ROCK'N weekend at the Highfield festival.

Yes, DrH and I teamed up once again with PermanentHoliDave in what has now become an annual ritual of German music festivals. This time around we dragged along SuperCoolMatti and instead of heading all the way down to the Nürburgring for Rock Am Ring, we went to Erfurt for the Highfield festival.

This was the basic lineup:

*Mud*
*Hans, where's the beer?*
*No Camping here, Sir*
*1000 PortaLoos*
*Tinned Sausages with Runny Eggs*
*3 Days Showerless*
*Am I Too Old For This*
*Nope (Thank God)*

As you can see, an arse kicking weekend. I shall now go and grab one of the left over beers and await my turn for the shower.

I Google You

Amanda Palmer (Dresden Dolls) singing, lyrics by Neil Gaiman.

The modern day stalker.