GOL' DARN IT, PALIN...PICK UP A FREAKING NEWSPAPER

A current one, by the way.

I mean, gosh darn it, McCain is sliding behind at the speed of light, and the only thing the Republicans have left is ye ol' smear tactics -- and I mean OLD.


Ayers and Rev. Wright? Helloooooooo -- yesterday's news. WAYYYYY Yesterday. Obama's been vetted and has renounced and pooh-poohed the actions/words of those two.

But I suppose desperate campaigns call for desperate measures...and remember, Palin, when you're pointing the finger at someone, three are pointing back at you....or as my dear, departed grandmother used to say...."Keep your own front porch clean, dear...don't worry about your neighbors".

And remember, gosh darn it, the Republicans are not the only ones who can play the "guilt by association" card, don'tcha know. Plenty of You Tube political fodder to go around.

Oh, and one more thing....the name "Keating" ring a bell, McCain?

Ya. Sure. Ya betcha.

GOTCHA JOURNALISM MY ASS

There, I said it.

Father Time and Governor Barbie are scary, scary people.

Palin running for vice president makes about as much sense as me running for the post.

Katie Couric was just doing her job, asking Palin to explain some apparent differences between her and Old Uncle John's foreign policy attitudes.

And Palin making jokes about Biden's age when her running mate is even older...now THERE'S good campaign strategy.

Gag me. With a spoon.

And puh-lease...I usually love The Early Show, but truly, what would Palin's parents be expected to say in an interview with Harry Smith -- that their daughter is a complete dolt who is over her head right now? What "amazing" things did Palin's parents have to say about their daughter that any good parent wouldn't say about their kid?

Geesh.

Slow news day, Harry?

Gotcha Journalism My Ass.

Whew.

I feel much better now.

MEG, MAVIS AND ME

If eyes are, indeed, the windows to our souls, my "windows" are in dire need of a little putty, a little paint.

Hence, at almost 52 freaking years old, I have, alas, given in to the anti-aging makeup miracle mavens who hawk all that "get rid of wrinkles and lines and puffiness" crap.

It's not so much the laugh lines that I am trying to get rid of as the general, overall droopy, dark baggy look that greets me most mornings as I peer into my mirror.

Yikes!

What ever happened to the Meg Ryan look-alike that used to turn heads at the Cedar Falls, Iowa Happy Chef and the Cincinnati airport? What? Waddya mean that was 20 years ago? So?

I just saw Meg Ryan in the chick flick, "The Women" and by goddy, she doesn't look a day older than she did back when she made "When Harry Met Sally"two decades ago. How the hell does she do it? Oh, yeah -- she's had "work" done. Take a gander at her lips -- a bad Botox job? Too tight a pull? I dunno.

But her eyes look freaking fantastic -- still. And she is only a few years younger than moi.

Maybe it's from sitting at this freaking computer 8-10 hours a day at my very stressfull job as an electronics warranty service coordinator wearing Wal-Mart cheaters (my damn dog ate my REAL glasses/bi-focals two years ago....). Maybe it's from not getting enough sleep. Maybe it's from too much sleep. Maybe it's just because I am so damn old.

Hard to say.

All I know is that for the past several weeks I have invested heavily in a vast array of anti-aging eye products -- all sort of lotions, potions, creams -- and my favorite, the Garnier Nutritioniste Skin Renew Anti-Puff Eye Roller -- in an effort to make my aging eyes look young again.

The eye roller consists of a tiny, little metal roller ball which you, obviously, roll under your eyes...it offers a great cooling sensation -- not unlike putting cold spoons on one's puffy eyes (or so it has been described. Of course, a couple of cold spoons would certainly be cheaper than purchasing the $12 eye roller...cucumbers or tea bags would probably have the same effect as well.

But I digress.

I usually follow the eye roller with an eyelift cream/eyelid gel, followed by some goop marketed as an "instant eye rejuvinator" cream...followed by highlighter/brightening liquid....and on and on....

It's a wonder I ever make it to work.

My husband swears it's working, that I am regaining that Meg Ryan youthful look about the eyes. But today, after a long night of no sleep (menopause? work? Wall Street? ) I asked him, point blank, "Do ya think the Garnier Nutritioniste anti-puffiness eye roller ball is working today? Do I look like Meg?"

"Um, well, maybe you ought to try Mavis," he said.

Mavis?

Then it hit me.

The other day, while perusing the local bargain shop, we happened upon a big ol' bowling ball with the name "Mavis" engraved on it.

"A couple of rolls across your eyes with the Mavis ball might do the trick today," he added.

LOL.

Hey, it might just work! And it's only a buck! Stick it in the fridge for a a minute or two...

Stay tuned...

COFFEE, TEA OR...

Mountain Dew?

Yes, I am falling in love with MT. DEW.

I've always been a Diet Pepsi gal, tho' my family, as a rule, preferred Coke.

I "blame" the shift from the Heise family soda pop-of-choice to Diet Pepsi on my my "second mom", Dottie B, who drank Diet Pepsi, kept her great shape all her life, and all her daughters -- all THREE of them -- turned out to be models. I figured if it was good for Mrs. B, it was good for me.

Sure, I dabbled in TAB, when that came out in the 60s. And I occasionally enjoyed a Sprite or a 7-UP. But my breakfast of champs has always been a Diet Pepsi and a bag of M&Ms. My after-work relaxation cocktail most recently? Diet Pepsi and Malibu Rum, AKA, a Mailbu Barbie (my idea).

Granted, NOTHING beats a steaming, hot cuppa java laden with flavored creamer first thing in the a.m....or late in the afternoon on a cuddly gray fall day....

But these days, I find myself craving MT. DEW. MT. DEW with Bugles, MT. DEW with trail mix...

It's a quick picker-upper, fer sure.

And it tickles the tongue in an oh, so refreshing way...

Well, must get back to work...

Tonight, if we win our football game, it will be Buck Burger Night at the bowling alley -- that's what we live for here in Podunk on at-home football nights...buck burgers...yeah, it don't get any better than THAT!

Hmmm....a buck burger with MT. DEW and Mailibu Rum?

Stay tuned....:)

Stay tuned.....

WOO HOO! THE HOME STRETCH HITS 5,000!!!!

In the Guiness Book of Records for most blog hits, The Home Stretch, I dare say, is not currently listed.


However, today is a milestone -- I've officially hit the 5,000 mark -- and I haven't even blogged for, what, three months? Four months? Six?


Just think where my numbers might be if I was actually blogging! Woo-Hoo!


And it is interesting to read the map of vistors -- where they come from, how they got to this blog...amazing, really.


As I say, just think where my numbers might be....however, my blogging has little, if anything, to do with numbers. I just love to write, to write so others might laugh or cry (in a healthy way) or be inspired, encouraged...


I see where one of my faithful blog readers has suggested I use the Coon Rapids Library's computer to blog, encouraging me to get my words out there -- which is very encouraging to me...and I thank him or her for that encouragement.


I must confess that I thought about the CR Library a month ago...however, I am, I am ashamed to say, currently banned from said library until I return "How Much Is That Doggy In The Window" -- a book I took out for Daniel when he was about 6. He is now 15 1/2 -- and a couple other books/CDs that are probably in a tote somehwere in my icky basement.


Heavy sigh.


But never fear, my children! I shall return -- word has it that my computer is almost ready! Today I am taking my lunch in-house so that I can blog.


(That does not mean, of course, that I am not going to return the aforementioned books to the library...just wanted to note that. And I'd like to square up with the library before my mugshot shows up on the Coon Rapids Post Office bulletin board -- you know, where all the "wanted" pics are posted.


But I digress.


I am literally bursting at the seams (partly from eating bags of Bugles at my desk at work to relieve stress) to put pen to paper about Palin -- she is, indeed, the lipstick, the cosmetic distraction, on McCain's "pig" as it were -- the pig being the failed Bush policies that McCain has agreed with 90 percent of the time. So sue me.


If there is anything good to come out of this Wall Street mess is that it is forcing McCain/Palin to address the real issue that has voters like me wringing their hands -- it's the economy, stupid. And it -- the economy -- is not sound, basically or otherwise. I suppose beer sales are up more than ever, hence, Cindy McCain, the Botoxed beer heiress, has most likely assured her husband that all is well. But for most of the folks I know, making ends meet has never been more difficult, more depressing.


Is it just me, or was McCain actually reading notes/index cards while addressing those voters in Florida the other day about the economy? He was looking down, like he was straining to read...like he had to be freaking COACHED. His "enough is enough" came off as stilted.

Anyway...

My friend, Sandy, and I will be putting on our Obama/Biden precinct captain/co-captain hats here mighty quick -- we'll be doing what we can here in Podunk to get the Obama/Biden vote out...

And to think I was once a young Republican....Yikes-a-Roni! Like they say, with age comes wisdom.

Meanwhile, I am getting back to the business of blogging...it's in my blood. And right now, my blood is BOILING! I cannot stand by and watch McCain et al try and dupe our country once more...

(Frankly, I might add, Palin is the kind of person I would have not only not liked in high school, I would avoid her like the plague NOW at school functions. Hockey moms, soccer moms, sports addict moms of any kind, drive me insane. And no, I do not relate to a former beauty contest runner-up...though, granted, I was one of two "Miss Sexy Slide Girls" in the Miss Kings Island Beauty Contest back in the 70s...I think one of the gals who ran the roller coaster won...).

Well, my lunch break is about over...gotta get back to work. Let's see...where are those Bugles....

Wow! 5,000!

I feel my groove comin' back.....

SO MUCH TO SAY, STILL NO COMPUTER

I have a few moments left on my lunch break...

Still no computer.

But I have so much to say...wait a moment while I apply a thin layer of Porky Pink lipstick....don't EVEN get me started on Palin.

All in due time....all in due time.

HELLO, IT'S ME!

Hello! It's me! (Sounds like an old Todd Rundgren song, but anyway...)

So much has happened since the last time I posted...a mere three months ago, but who's counting? Well, I am, my friends. Because since my computer went south, preventing me from blogging -- writing, really -- my zest for life has headed in the same direction.

If I didn't know better, I'd say it was a case of the vapors -- lying in bed, too tired to move, no desire to enjoy the great summer outdoors...food doesn't even thrill me anymore...

And when you're a Heise by birth, and you've lost your lust for food, well...suffice to say that the day my Dad pushed away a plate of food, it was his last -- he passed away that night...in other words, it's a cry for help, a sign that the end is definitely near...that you better do SOMETHING...and FAST!

But I digress.

At first I just blamed my malaise on mid-life menopausal monotony...then I blamed it on the dreaded Iowa hellish heat and air-you-can-wear humidity. But then it hit me...I haven't written anything for THREE months! And I am a writer! Writing is my life's blood! It is my passion! No writing, no passion, no energy.

But what to do? My computer is still in the shop, so today I am blogging from my son's friend's laptop...ahhhhh...back in the saddle again, if only for today!

So where to begin?

Well, last I blogged, of course, my son and husband scared the bejeebies out of me one night when they were late coming home from Daniel's first official driving practice after getting his learner's permit.

He has since passed driver's ed, and I have accepted the fact that he is growing up and his learning to drive is a good thing -- I would even go so far as to say he has all the makings of becoming an excellent driver like his dad -- which is a damn good thing, since I am 51 years old and still won't drive on the interstate...

Along those same lines, I couold write reams about the frustrations of being a middle-aged mom with a teen-age son and how some days I just want to throttle him just because he is what he is -- a teenager -- much the same feeling my older sister had about me when I was Daniel's age...and she was only like 22 or 23 at the time.

And yet there are those nights, when he comes home after a night working at the local pizza parlor, and he brings home a "mistake" pizza, and we sit on the porch and talk for an hour or two...and I wouldn't trade these teenage years for anything. I am just thankful he is here, with me, and safe.

Or I could go on and on about my man Obama winning the presidential primary! Woo-Hoo! My friend Sandy A. and I, on a last-minute whim, zipped to Des Moines to see him for his pre-official primary victory speech -- I was THAT close to being able to shake hands with the guy...what a moment!

Oh, there have been so many instances where I've seen something on TV or heard something in passing conversations with friends and neighbors and I've excitely thought, "That would make a GREAT blog post" only to sink into sadness when it hit me in that same moment, "But I don't have a computer, damn it!"

It's not that I think what I have to say about any partiular topic is earthshaking...it's just that I am a writer, and writer's write, writer's create...and I love the creative aspect of it all. I love taking that blank screen and making something out of nothing...something that might just strike a chord with the person reading the blog. It's a way of connecting in this big ol' crazy and oft' cold world.

Granted, I could put pen to paper or keep a hardbound journal -- Lord knows I've got a collection of half-filled dog-earred diaries from back in the day...but it's not the same. My fingers need to connect to a keyboard for the wheels to start turning upstairs -- it's just the ol' newsreporter in me...she's still in there, my inner reporter.

Bless her heart.

What would I do without her?










Not blogger's block -- I've had scads of stuff to blog about, from MY MAN OBAMA'S BIG WIN (Woo-Hoo), to