Moo

What do you suppose cows think when crazy tourists pull over just to take pictures of them?

Lancaster County, PA

November 8, 2008

Venti Brewski

It would appear this Starbucks brews more than just coffee.

Wayne, PA

November 7, 2008

On the Road Again

Rain sucks. Traffic sucks. Rain + traffic really sucks. It took me 7 1/2 hours to drive to Pennsylvania today, when it should have only taken like 6. Three Starbucks venti lattes were required along the way to keep me going.

Assuming I somehow live through the work-related presentation I am supposed to give tomorrow (I am so not prepared - Yikes!), I am invoking my rule about never traveling for work without actually seeing the place traveled to, and staying the weekend.

Details to follow. Maybe even pictures. Try to control your excitement.

Historic Moment

It should have totally occurred to me to buy a newspaper today so that in 20 years I could sell the 'Obama wins' headline for big bucks. Didn't even think of it until I saw this picture, though. Oh well. Since people realized this was an historic moment in US history probably half of America is saving today's paper and, due to excessive supply, it'll be worth only 2 cents 20 years from now.

Now a few quick thoughts on Obama's win...

Thank God. (I mean that as a figure of speech, not literally. Separation of church and state and all that.) Even with my reservations about Obama, I truly feel the best candidate won this election. Unlike the last few presidential elections.

Michelle Obama's dress last night - hated it! Maybe some rich Democratic donor will give her a shopping spree like Sarah Palin got so that she can get some new duds. Imagine how far $250K could go at the Gap.

This moment is big, but let's not get carried away. Racism is not dead and gone just because the US elected a (half) black president. Even though he may have a shimmer of hope now that wasn't there before, the average black man still faces today all the same struggles he faced yesterday. Racism will be gone only when we no longer marvel at the fact that a man who achieved eminence (without rapping or shooting hoops) is not white.


Photo credit: Snapped at a Borders in DC this morning by a reader of Cynical-C Blog.

I Stood and Was Counted

Talk about excitement. In all past elections in which I cast my ballot in Massachusetts (dating back to Bush / Gore in 2000 when I signaled my disdain for that match up by voting Nader) my polling place has not distributed those little 'I Voted' stickers. But this year they did. Yippee!

I was prepared for long lines at the polls today. Somewhat prepared, that is. Not sure I would have waited hours and hours to cast my only-semi-enthusiastic vote for Obama in a state where Obama is basically a shoe in. (If I lived in a battleground state, it would be a different story. I would bring my lawn chair and coffee mug and camp out for the duration.)

Didn't come to that, though. Thanks to hitting the polls between the before-work and lunch-hour rushes and a bunch of election workers who really seemed to have their act together, I was in and out in exactly 25 minutes. (Really. I timed it. In line at 10:56 a.m. Out the door, after voting, at 11:21 a.m.) Would have been even faster except I had to take extra time to read two totally lame local ballot questions. One was as follows:

“Shall the state representative from this district be instructed to vote in favor of amending the state Constitution to replace the state Legislature with 100 randomly selected adult residents of Massachusetts, each serving one year terms on a rotating basis to be named the Commonwealth Jury and to have all powers of the current Legislature.”

Seriously? I'm all for power to the people, but not necessarily power to wicked re-tah-ded assholes, of which there are a fair share in Massachusetts. (Several on my block alone.) And what if those randomly selected don't want to serve? Is it like jury duty and they don't get a choice? Would we really want people who don't want to be legislators legislating for us? I think not. Big NO on that one, not that it has a chance in hell of going anywhere anyway.

But, back to the point. Did you vote yet? (If not, what are you waiting for?) How long did you have to wait? How long were you willing to wait?

Desperate for Change

If your candidate doesn't win today, at least take solace in the fact that the Bush years are almost over.

Credit where credit is due: Picture from Not Your Sweetie.

A Non-Endorsement Endorsement

I must admit. I am not a huge fan of Barack Obama. I didn't vote for him in the primaries. Nevertheless, he'll get my vote in Tuesday's election.

Am I making the right choice? Check back in a few years and I'll tell you for sure. At the moment I can only say that I've considered the issues most important to me and there is absolutely no way in hell I could ever cast my vote for John McCain.

That's not to say he's a bad guy. As the senior US Senator from Arizona I like McCain just fine. And, quite honestly, there's no arguing that he has the experience to be president, given his many years of public service.

However, as we saw with Dubya, even a complete moron can muddle through the presidency if he surrounds himself with the right people. So far McCain hasn't shown us he can do that.

Case in point: Sarah Palin. If picking her as a running mate over several more suitable people is indicative of McCain's maverick ways, then perhaps a maverick in the White House is not such a good thing after all. Palin clearly is not qualified to be anywhere near the oval office, even if it would give us 4 years of SNL prosperity.

But enough about the players, on to the issues. I can compromise on other stuff, but I absolutely, positively can not in good faith vote for a candidate who does not (in no particular order):

• Believe in Roe v Wade and a women's right to choose;
• Value diversity enough to allow for at least civil unions (if not marriage) for same-sex couples;
• Place Constitutional rights over any minimal security gained from quashing those rights; and
• Want to get our troops out of Iraq a.s.a.p.

The issues near and dear to you may be different, so rather than go into detail, suffice it to say that McCain fails on all four points. Obama, to the extent campaign rhetoric is to believed, fares much better.

That's why Obama will get my vote. Am I sure of him? No. Am I sure that he's a better choice than McCain? You betcha!

Not to mention that casting my vote for the person who very well could become the first US President not to be a white male is kind of cool. Not that I would ever vote for someone based on race or gender. That would be doggone stupid and if you're deciding your vote on that basis you really should just stay home.

(Unless you're voting for Obama, just in case yours is the deciding vote.)

Wishful thinking (Via CNN's Electoral Map Calculator)

And before I drop the serious act, for my numerous Massachusetts readers, might I suggest you mark the following selections on the all-important ballot issues:

#1 to abolish the state income tax - No. If you feel strongly about having no income tax, still vote no but then feel free to move to New Hampshire.

#2 to decriminalize marijuana - Yes. Musicians like to burn from time to time (or so I'm told). My kid's a musician. 'Nuff said.

#3 to ban greyhound racing - Whatev-ah. I was once bit by a dog. I tend to hold a grudge.

Stars and Stripes Forever

Is Sarah Palin patriotic? You betcha. You can tell by how colorful her wardrobe is.

Don't laugh. This has at least as much reliability as judging a person's patriotism by where in the US they live. *wink, wink*

"We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation." ~Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin speaking in Greensboro, NC (The Washington Post, Oct 17)

This week's word was colorful.

More full-of-color remarks here.

Jesus, Joker and Jersey

Jesus may love New Jersey, but Jersey doesn't love Jesus.

Alex Woinski (pictured below), an 8th grader at West Brook Middle School in Paramus, New Jersey, dressed up as Jesus for Halloween. Calling his costume disruptive and saying that some people were offended by it, his principal sent him home to change.

Because I'm feeling lazy, I'll borrow another blogger's thoughts on this.

"As a veteran teacher, I have seen a lot of creatures come into school on Halloween in my thirty five years of teaching experience, all of them 'distracting.' As a faculty we chalked up this past Halloween day to fun and fantasy, maintaining a sense of humor, as we usually do. The children I teach, Alex's age group, eighth grade, are heavy into demonic fantasy and slash/gore. I would have welcomed Alex's Jesus Christ personage and it would have given my students pause to think about their costumes. In censoring him a teachable moment was lost. Even though I can't speak of my religious faith in public school, I could have used the opportunity to note that no one thought to come dressed as Ghandhi, Buddha, Mother Theresa, Benjamin Franklin, Noah, Ghengis Khan or Zeus. All of these aforementioned are covered in the Social Studies curriculum, including Jesus Christ... a teachable moment was lost." ~Art as Prayer~

I'd be pretty willing to bet that this blogger and I don't agree on much when it comes to religion, but here she's right on target. Rather than quash anything that even hints at being contentious, students would be better served if schools used potential controversy to teach kids something. That way our young people might even graduate high school being able to do something other than ace a standardized test. They might be able to think for themselves.

---

Related, from the home front: Rock Star's friend also very convincingly pulled off Jesus on Halloween. Being past puberty he even had the genuine facial hair that Woinski lacked. He didn't make the nightly news, though, because apparently no one at our local school realized they were supposed to be offended by a Jesus costume.

Rock Star went as Joker. I had suggested he dress up as bride of Frankenstein, but he absolutely refused to be anything that required wearing a bra or stockings. Too bad, because my other great idea was that he go as a drag queen.

(No, Rock Star, that does not mean I think you're girly, it means I think you have enough chutzpah to carry off something like that instead of going with the flow. And that, in my book, is a good thing.)

Dumb Shit

Here's some breaking news out of Australia. And by 'breaking' I mean it happened on November 3rd and right now it's still November 2nd. Wow.


Teenager Arrested after Police Station Break-in

The news report is short on details, but seems that in the wee hours of Sunday morning an unnamed 16 year-old male broke the glass front doors of the Parks Police Station, located in Ottoway, South Australia. He was promptly arrested by officers who were on duty at the time. He is currently being held, pending an appearance in youth court on Monday.

He will be charged with stupidity. Reports are he plans to plead not guilty by reason of adolescence.

And, just to prove that I always thoroughly research all my posts, the actual police report is here.

And just to prove that I always really, really thoroughly research all my posts, Ottoway is a suburb of Adelaide, which (thanks Wikipedia) is the fifth largest city in Australia and home to the now-defunct band The Superjesus -- whose former lead singer has a dis of Sarah Palin on her website -- and the Feast Festival -- a celebration of diverse sexuality, though this makes it seem like what it sounds like: a cook-off -- and the world's biggest Christmas parade -- which is attempting to break the world record, currently held by a NASCAR event in Bristol, Tennessee, for the largest Mexican wave (turns out that's Australian for what we simply call 'the wave,' so named after it was done at the 1986 World Cup in Mexico, won by Argentina, thanks to this guy who, despite being a reformed coke addict, was recently named coach of Argentina's national soccer team) -- not to mention a crappy-ass McDonalds, a super bratty kid, a few flamingo haters, and some wayward sperm.

Clearly, I had way too much free time today.

The 11-Year-Old Virgin

Gotta love the English tabloids. This picture and caption appeared in today's Daily Mail.



Young Charlotte Baird wanted to remain a virgin until age 11? But then she changed her mind? So, like, the little hussy did the dirty deed before age 11?

Actually, no. Fire the caption writer because the accompanying news story explains that Ms. Baird decided at age 11 to save herself for Mr. Right. What's tabloid worthy about that, you ask. Well, twenty-five years later, the poor dear still hasn't found Mr. Right.

Said the now 36-year-old:

"... Of course, I am curious to know what [making love] would be like. I'm not dead from the neck down. I'm a normal healthy person. I know that some people who are celibate don't have a sex drive at all, but that is not the case with me..."

Since Ms. Baird claims to be "very happy and feel fulfilled," I'm guessing she has one hell of a vibrator collection.

Goodwill Hunting #2

During a recent visit to Goodwill - well, actually to Salvation Army, but close enough - what appeared, at first glance, to be some sort of Halloween decoration...



... turned out to be a Coronet magazine from October 1953 inside a relatively new 8 1/2 x 11 picture frame. Price: $2.99, but - lucky me - home decor was on sale for 1/2 price that day so I got it for $1.50.

I actually needed a picture frame, so it was put to good use (minus the orange mat, as there was a white one underneath). Didn't really have a use for the magazine, but stuff from way back in the 1950s can't just be tossed aside. It has to at least be blogged about. And then maybe sold on eBay.

---

1953, Revisited

This chick sure seems happy about her girdle. Or maybe she's excited about the matching bra's "exclusive Magic Insets." Abracadabra... pointy boobs.



Processed meat + processed bread + processed cheese = 1950s American cuisine. Some things haven't changed.



This iPod precursor could play almost 2 hours of music at the touch of a button. But it was hard to stick it in your pocket and go for a stroll.



The article accompanying this photo didn't mention if any of the scientist's American-Cancer-Society-sponsored research looked into the impact of smoking on cancer. Or maybe that's what he's testing here.



Putting the kids' needs before those of one's hubby leads to divorce, cautioned this article. Given the oh-so helpful tips provided, it's puzzling that the US divorce rate continued to increase.

Not Delicious or Nutritious

If you ask me, this...

"What could be more delicious than a real chicken and turkey dinner with nutritious brown rice? Including some healthy garden greens, of course!" **

Is not an especially fitting description for this product:

**Quote from Friskies Selects Website

If you ask my cat, I believe he'd agree. After all, he barfed it all up. (On the carpet, of course.)

Pink October '08 (#10)

Although this pink ribbon license plate has been available in Massachusetts since 2006 I have never ever seen a single one on the road.



Guess that's not surprising given that the number of Red Sox fans in the state far exceeds the number of cars of the road.



The fine print: The extra fee for the breast cancer plate is $40 a year. All proceeds ($28 the first year, then $40 per year thereafter) go to the Diane Connolly-Zaniboni Breast Cancer Research Fund at Tufts Medical Center. The Sox plate carries the same fee; proceeds go to the Jimmy Fund at Dana-Farber Cancer Institute.


If your state is linked below then it has a pink ribbon plate, too. (If I missed some, tell me.) But probably not a Sox plate. Only in Massachusetts are we so lucky to have those.

AL - AK - AZ - AR - CA - CO - CT - DE - DC - FL
GA - HI - ID - IL - IN - IA - KS - KY - LA - ME - MD
MA - MI - MN - MS - MO - MT - NE - NV - NH - NJ*
NM - NY* - NC - ND - OH - OK - OR - PA - RI - SC
SD - TN - TX* - UT - VT - VA - WA - WV - WI - WY
*Has a cancer plate, but not pink ribbon specific


More Pink October here.

Stay Safe & Warm

If you're a knitter, you might want to whip yourself up one of these toasty-warm, condom-carrying thongs to help ensure you don't engage in risky unprotected sex. It works like this -- As long as you wear it, no one will want to have sex with you.

The thong knitting pattern was designed by Amanda Gale and is part of the Condom Amulet Project, which was conceived by A Little Red Hen to promote HIV awareness among women age 50 and up, and safe sex in general.

Pink October '08 (#9)

A sampling of the breast cancer collections

from Collectibles Today

Some unspecified portion of the proceeds of each $19.95 figurine goes to some unspecified breast cancer research charity. But the best part is that each figurine is part of a collection so in about a month you'll receive another, and another, and another, on and on until breast cancer is cured. A deal like that, there's no reason not to start your collection today. Unless, of course, you have something against cancer kitch.


More Pink October here.

Fetish Fashion

I am always at such a loss for what to wear when being hog tied, so thank goodness for this fall '08 fashion collection.

Logo hoody, Sex leggings, Sex dress

(Bondage rope sold separately)

Worship Worthy / Worship Worthy Shop

Pink October '08 (#8)

Why limit breast cancer awareness to October when you can take it right through the holiday season? Cancer is undeniably festive!

Christmas Tree Ornament

From Lenox; also available at Macy's

(10% of proceeds to breastcancer.org)

Pink Fused-Glass Dreidel Tops

Gary Rosenthal Breast Cancer Awareness Collection

(10% of sales to unspecified breast cancer charities)

More Pink October here.

Say It Ain't So, Cup of Joe

A study by Swedish researcher Helena Jernström revealed that drinking 3 or more cups of coffee a day may noticeably decrease the size of a woman's breasts (at least among women who carry a certain gene). According to Jernström, however:

"Coffee-drinking women do not have to worry their breasts will shrink to nothing overnight. They will get smaller, but the breasts aren't just going to disappear." [Quoted in The Daily Mail and The Telegraph, Oct 22, 2008]

Since I regularly drink about 6 cups of coffee a day, that was a relief. Sort of.


Picture credit: Boob coffee mug, available from Retro Classics on Etsy.

Pink October '08 (#7)

If you're recovering from breast cancer and need a little assistance getting around, what better way to constantly remind yourself how much cancer sucks than a pink-ribbon-adorned walker?

Medline Industries will donate $10 to breast cancer for each walker (actually they call it a 'rollator') sold, according to information here, here and here. (The product retails for around $100-130.) Medline's own website is surprisngly silent about any donation tied to the pink rollator, though it does mention a $100,000 donation to the National Breast Cancer Foundation earlier this year.


More Pink October here.

Hate in the Heartland

If it walks like white trash and quacks like white trash, it must be white trash, and that to me is these fine folks from St. Clairsville, Ohio.



But, seriously, where did they find these people?

Energy Policy

I have vowed to not turn on the heat in my apartment until Obama wins the election. So, please, please, please don't vote for McCain or I'll freeze my ass off this winter.

Pink October '08 (#6)

Which is the best weapon against breast cancer?




A. Pepper spray
B. Knife
C. Gun
D. None of the above

The correct answer is D--None of the above. Early detection is the best weapon against breast cancer. A, B and C may be useful in dark alleys at night, however.


The fine print:

A. SABRE will donate an unspecified amount to the National Breast Cancer Foundation for each pink pepper spray sold.

B. Benchmade will donate 10% of wholesale profits from the pink Griptilian knife to the Breast Health Education Program at the Oregon Health and Science University Cancer Institute.

C. A gun dealer sold $5 raffle tickets for a customized camo pink rifle to raise money for the American Cancer Society. (The winner was announced October 4th.)


More Pink October here.

Does This Offend You? (#17)

"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks ... to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."

Because that text from Denis Leary's soon-to-be-released book, 'Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid,' sure offended the autism community.

Wrote one commenter on an autism website, "For Dennis Leary to make such a comment (even in jest) is sick ... I think these comments have the potential to ruin his career." Others called Leary stupid, ignorant, moronic and even an asshole. Though the weight of that last descriptor is mitigated by the fact that Leary previously applied that label to himself. In a satirical way, that is.

Which is exactly how Leary's autism comments should be viewed, not as a hateful or ill-informed commentary on parents of children with autism but, rather, as satire. Taken in context (which, in fairness to those who say they've been offended, is a bit difficult at this point since Leary's book won't be published until next month), it seems Leary's comments were meant to show the irony in trying to explain away less than perfect, but perfectly normal, behavior with diagnostic labels.

Mind you, I think ADHD would have illustrated this point 100 times better than autism. Nevertheless, Leary's underlying message is right on target.

Think about it. Half the kids in America, and increasingly their parents, too, are popping Ritalin and other (legal) mind-altering substances to treat symptoms like making careless mistakes in schoolwork or work; not following through on instructions; being forgetful; or talking excessively -- hallmarks of ADHD that many people exhibit to some extent. So, how is it that these symptoms were hardly ever considered a disorder just a few decades ago? Did numerous people fail in life because their inattentiveness and distractability went undiagnosed? I think not. Most sucked it up and learned to deal with their shortcomings instead of relying on labels and pills to get them through.

That is something we do far too little of today. If that offends you perhaps you have obsessive offendability disorder.

Pink October '08 (#5)

Canadian company N-ti, Inc. is donating $5 [Canadian] to the Quebec Breast Cancer Foundation for every $11.99 pink hijab they sell.

If you hurry and order one you can participate in Global Pink Hijab Day on October 29, 2008. (I swear I am not making this up.) According to the loosely-organized event's Facebook listing, "This is a day intended to initiate dialog and shatter stereotypes of Muslim women and their Islamic headscarves (Hijabs), as well as raise breast cancer awareness."

Pink-hijab-wearing women are encouraged to donate $5 or more to Susan G Komen for the Cure (or similar organization in their country). That's the breast cancer part of the event. I'm not entirely clear on the shattering stereotypes part.


[Pink Hijab Day has a website but, as of this posting, it hasn't been updated since last year. Reportedly 7,000 woman donned pink headscarves for the event last year. It was not noted how much money was donated nor how many stereotypes were shattered.]


More Pink October here.

Female Escort Available

The good news: I ain't no ten-dollar ho.

The better news: I can totally quit my day job.

What Are You Worth in Bed?

Credit where credit is due: Found via Smartassbian, which was found via a comment on Guilty with an Explanation.

Pink October '08 (#4)

This angel "holds a symbol of breast cancer awareness in her hands." What she does not do, however, is donate even a penny of her approximately $20 retail price to breast cancer charities. But who needs money for breast cancer research when you ha