In the year 2000, a fanciful "Guatemalan prophecy" circulated among some church groups in Zimbabwe. It predicted that Zimbabwe would be broken by hard times ahead, but that one day it would be rebuilt to become the "Switzerland of Africa". The tale spoke in particular of the role of the women of Zimbabwe liberating the country.
I may not be one for fanciful prophecies, but if any person could be identified as an effective woman leader, it is Jenni Williams, the director of Women of Zimbabwe Arise . She has been arrested more than her fair share and is currently in jail for trying to deliver a petition to the Zambian Embassy requesting stronger SADC intervention in a country bereft by post-election violence.
To ZanuPF - BACK OFF, arresting the messenger doesn't change the message. History will record for the shame and humiliation of you own children and grandchildren how your abhorrent excess led to the rape of this country and brutalization of its women. Think about it.
HERO RATING: 4 GOLD STARS
Hero: Jenni Williams
Villain: Martin Chedondo
When you join the army or the police force in Zimbabwe, you pledge to serve the country and protect its citizens. And by all British colonial sensibilities, a gentlemen possesses nothing more powerful than his word. The commander of the Army Martin Chedondo just announced that he refuses to protect any citizens except for Mugabe, and branded peaceful MDC supporters as the militant destabilizing force in the country. Houston, we have a serious problem.
Chedondo took this stance a step further and just ordered his troops to vote for a president that has caused total collapse of the country. This is not just wrong "in a breaking of a gentlemen's promise sort of way", it is criminal. Hopefully the army employees have children, brothers and sisters that havn't died of AIDS, starvation, or been forced to emmigrate. I remain hopeful that our soldiers want to live in a country that is more than a dust bowl of bullet casings, rapid dictators and Thabo Mbeki's shit. Any soldier with half a brain, or a heart will therefore vote against their commanders orders.
Dog-headed wankers like Martin Chedondo have undermined their own credibility even more than Saddam Hussain's Comical Ali information minister. While all these developments point to a dinosaur regime on a one-way ticket to hell, that still doesn't mean that we should write Martin Chedondo off just yet - a dying dog can still bite.
VILLAIN RATING: FOUR TURDS
Villain: Augustine Chihuri
OK, so this ugly fucker just told his boys that they could kill any MDC supporters and not face any consequences. That was also clearly the defacto policy that Chihuri, Zimbabwe's Chief of Police, has personally enforced for white farmers,their employees and MDC members since the year 2000. To date, no-one has been prosecuted for any of these appalling murder cases.
However, Mr. Chihuri clearly didn't get the memo that he is soon to be out of a job... Furthermore, when Tsvangirai is president, Chihuri will be more than out of a job, he'll be the one getting raped by babba in Chikarubi Prison.
Look Augy, if you are reading this, you'd better just save your precious dollars and go buy lots of vaseline. I'm sure that babba will want to give you extra-special treatment when you get to Chikarubi!
VILLAIN RATING: FOUR TURDS
Martyrs: ZanuPF's murder victims 2008
This is a roll of honor for all those MDC heroes who were needlessly murdered by ZanuPF thugs after the thugs lost Zimbabwe's 2008 elections.
Tapiwa Mumbwanda (57) - From Hurungwe West constituency in Mashonaland West province. He was attacked and murdered near his home by suspected Zanu PF activists on April 12. Hurungwe West is one of the areas hardest hit by political violence;
Murunde Tembo (age unknown) - From Mudzi North constituency in Mashonaland East province. He was brutally assaulted by suspected Zanu PF activists on April 15. He sustained serious injuries and broken legs. He died on his way to hospital;
Tatenda Chibika (age unknown) - From Mutoko East constituency in Mashonaland East province. He was shot and killed by Zanu PF supporter and war veteran Richard Makoni on April 17. The incident happened at Chibeta rural business centre in the constituency;
Moses Bashitiwayo (age unknown) - From Maramba-Pfungwe constituency in Mashonaland East province. Suspected Zanu PF supporters murdered him on April 17;
Moses Makiwa (age unknown) -- From Lower Watershed area in Wedza constituency in Mashonaland East province. He was brutally assaulted and killed by Zanu PF supporters. He was buried on 19 April in Wedza;
Brighton Mbwera Jr. (5) - From Manyika village in Uzumba constituency in Mashonaland East province. He was burnt to death after Zanu PF activists set a house he was sleeping in on fire on April 18. The Zanu PF activists forced the parents (who are members of the MDC) to bury their child’s body without a postmortem being done. However, police intervened and ordered the body exhumed so that a postmortem could be conducted.
The MDC is the source of all the information above.
Hero: South African Transport and Allied Workers Union
When Bob the mad psychopath Mugabe lost the most recent round of elections, he called his buddies in China. The Chinese are very familiar with techniques for crushing inconvenient democratic leanings of their people as demonstrated in Tibet and Tienanmen square.
So they sent mad Bob a ship containing three million rounds of ammunition for AK-47s, 1,500 rocket-propelled grenades and several thousand mortar rounds. It docked in South Africa for unloading, but when the South African Transport and Allied Workers Union found out what was going on, they did the right thing. They refused to unload the weapons destined to kill their Zimbabwean colleagues.
In this struggle there have been few examples of people just doing the right thing. If more Africans had the balls and conscience of South African Transport and Allied Workers Union, the world would be a better place. SADC and the UN - take notes, this small act was truly heroic.
HERO RATING: 4 GOLD STARS
Villain: George Chiweshe
George is Mugabe's little butt-boy. A hand-picked brown-noser chosen first to be a judge and then the Chairperson of the Zimbabwe Electoral Commission. As such, George Chiweshe owes Mugabe his entire career. Being a good 'ol army man, the former Brigadier is well versed in the art of boot-licking and managed to do his Master proud by gerrymandering the 2005 elections and stealing them for Zanu-PF.
Recently though, Georgie failed his Master by not successfully rigging the elections in Zimbabwe. It appears that both George and his Master underestimated how unpopular they were. If he was smart, Georgie would realize that the game is over. Announcing the will of the Zimbabwean people would not only be the right thing to do, but it would keep him out of the firing line when Zanu-PF stooges finally get raked over the coals for their crimes over the last 28 years.
George Chiweshe is currently holding back the results of Zimbabwe's elections to buy his Defeated Master some time to start killing off everyone who didn't vote for him. Maybe if Mugabe can kill enough MDC supporters he will win a second-round run-off.
VILLAIN RATING: FOUR TURDS
Villain: Joseph Chinotimba
You have to admit that anyone who issues death threats to a Supreme Court Justice in most countries must have a few screws loose. Joseph Chinotimba has more than a few screws loose - he has rabies. The self-appointed leader of the farm invasions in 2000 issues death threats to all kinds of people, including supreme court justice Gubbay who resigned in fear for his life. However, like most bullies, Chinotimba cries like a baby when anyone stands up to him.
This uneducated fuckwit couldn't hold down a job as a driver for the local city council was rewarded for these shenanigans. He was made the deputy president of the War Veterans association. Now the retarded nincompoop has given death threats to presidential candidate Simba Makoni - not a wise movement given that Makoni apparently commands the loyalty of a large dissenting faction within Zanu PF and the military.
When Tsvangirai does become president, I look forward to the restoration of the rule of law and the swift prosecution and life sentencing of this turd.
VILLAIN RATING: 5 TURDS
Hero or Villain? Simba Makoni
Now this is a tough one to call. Simba Makoni seems to be well educated and a moderate force in ZANU PF. He is a key actor in the same organization that has destroyed Zimbabwe. Having realised that Zimbabwe is not really a livable country right now and that if Mugabe wins the next elections we'll all be hosed for another 8 years, he has decided to stand up to the geriatric old psychopath.
Some speculated that Mugabe may have instigated this himself, so that he could run against someone in the eventuality that the MDC pulled out of the elections. He could therefore claim that they were legitimate - in that time old tradition of window-dressing rigged elections with a veneer of "free and fair". However, given the vitreolic reaction of Zanu PF and Mutambara endorsement of Makoni, I'm going to take this one at face value and hope this causes a major Zanu split.
For endangering his life to stand up to a bastard dictator I give Simba Makoni one gold star, which may be retracted or expanded later, depending on how he performs.
HERO RATING: 1 GOLD STAR
Villain: Luis Amado
Portugal's foreign minister - Luis Amado is awarded this week's Zimbabwe Villain award for being a naive, spineless little creep. Even though he admits that he would rather not have Mugabe accept his invitation to the EU-Africa summit he invited Mugabe anyway! Luis was basically given a choice, Gordon Brown or Mugabe. Hmm now that's a tough decision innit? Having the leader of one of the world's most powerful nations (Gordon Brown) attend - or Mugabe. Oh and to all those little snotty-nosed little African leaders who said they'd boycott to support Mugabe - Who ARE YOU KIDDING? You little worms wouldn't have given up a per-diem and shopping trip in Europe for anything.
I'm just livid - and fed up with blow-hards like Luis Amado who think that they are skilled negotiators and that the reason why no-one has healed the rift between Mugabe and the rest of the world is because the world lacked the right person to do it. Well I've got news for you Amado, Mugabe will chew you up and spit you out then crap on your carpet. I hope you enjoy the ride.
Judging from all the bad press, Luis Amado just had Mugabe crap on his carpet. So think of this as a little cherry on the pie!!
VILLAIN RATING: 1 TURD
Villain: Godfrey Chidyausiku
When Mugabe fired the Supreme Court Justice Anthony Gubby for being white, he appointed this little worm (left) to fill his shoes. Godfrey Chidyausiku obsequiously slid into his new seat and rubber stamped a crappy constitution for the country. That was quite a nice little gesture of appreciation for Mugabe don't you think?
Chidyausiku allowed Mugabe to shit all over the constitution like it was a kitty-litter box, then had the nerve to rule that confiscating white-owned farm AND their belongings was perfectly legal and constitutional.
Godfrey Chidyausiku is currently trying to smuggle 'his' combine harvester and Massey Ferguson tractor across the Mozambican border so he can sell it back to its previous owners for US$, because the Zim dollars he gets paid with wouldn't buy him shit to smear on toilet paper. Phew this post stinks...
VILLAIN RATING: FOUR TURDS
